


just fall in love with me (this christmas)

by lowkeyamen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Casual Sex, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Dream Babies, Drinking, Getting Together, I promise, Implied Mpreg, Lack of Communication, M/M, Past Abuse, Renjun is the best character, Tenwin Being Dumb, The only sensible one, as always, family!AU, lots of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowkeyamen/pseuds/lowkeyamen
Summary: They call it the season of giving. I'm here, I'm yours for the taking.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Suh Youngho | Johnny/Qian Kun
Comments: 65
Kudos: 266





	1. five shots deep

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas!!! 🎄  
> this is chaptered so i'm starting a lil early (yes i got carried away again)  
> parts of this fic are a little sad/angsty for christmas but!!!! theres a reason, and it does have a happy ending i promise.
> 
> the main pairing is tenwin but there are a lot of background ships in there too! theyre just not as important to the story so i havent tagged em; just the ones that are a lil more prominent.
> 
> this is a lil bday present to myself too aklshaj since i didnt have the time to write myself one this year! this fic is v self indulgent and has all my fave things in it. tenwin, cute kids, all that domestic shit, angst!!!
> 
> i hope u all enjoy tho! merry christmas!!!!

"Fuck me." Ten groaned as he slid into the booth his friends were sat at, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck. "It's absolutely baltic outside."

He had been too tight to get a taxi, instead opting to walk down to the pub because it wasn't that far away. It had seemed like a great idea at the time. That was, until his nose began streaming, the ice cold wind numbing his face. He knew fine well he probably looked utter shit right about now.

"Well maybe if you were wearing more than a Harrington." Doyoung chastised. Ten was from Thailand; surely he out of everyone would be feeling the cold the most and want to dress appropriately. But this was Ten he was talking about. It wasn't often he listened to reason.

"I don't like any of my winter coats." Ten huffed. He should probably buy a new one but...he bought a new one every year. God knows how many he had stashed at the back of the cupboard under his stairs. By the time he next winter came around he had usually decided he didn't like that coat anymore and refused to wear it. "Does anyone want anything? My round."

"Your round because barely anyone's here yet?" Jaehyun scoffed as Ten threw him a wink. He was so transparent. "I'll have a pint."

"Just a coke for me. Designated driver." Taeil rolled his eyes. He was already regretting bringing his car. Who the fuck drove to the pub?

"It's Christmas!" Ten's jaw dropped. "You can't _not_ drink. I'm getting you a pint. Leave the car overnight."

"Ten- I need to pick Jungwoo up."

"He has a phone, right? He can call a cab."

"I promised I'd get him when he's finished work."

Jungwoo was Taeil's boyfriend. His hot young thing, as Ten liked to call him.

Taeil was the oldest of all of them, not by much, but it was always a go to whenever they were teasing. He was the only one in his thirties. For a couple of months anyway, when Johnny followed. But that wouldn't be as funny. Johnny wasn't as easy to take the piss out of.

Taeil and Jungwoo hadn't been together that long, maybe just shy of a year, but it was clear Taeil was head over heels.

Jungwoo was a sweetheart, and Ten liked him a lot. They always ended up having the weirdest conversations because Jungwoo was a major conspiracy theorist and always had some new form of paranoia to gush to Ten about because he was usually the only one that humoured him.

But unfortunately, he worked in retail. Which at Christmas, Ten couldn't think of anything worse. He had been there himself. He'd dealt with panicked last minute shoppers and come out with bruises from Boxing Day sales. It wasn't fun. At all. But someone had to do it. He knew Taeil wished he and Jungwoo could spend more time together over the holidays, but between Jungwoo's ridiculous working hours and the fact he was finishing his PHD he didn't have a whole lot of time to spare.

He could understand why Taeil wanted Jungwoo here so bad.

But that wasn't an excuse not to drink.

"Shut up, you're getting one." Ten held his hand up, not taking no for an answer. "And for the lady?"

Doyoung shot Ten a look as the younger turned to him. Asshole.

"A large Chardonnay, please."

"Perfect! Be right back."

This was by far Ten's favourite Christmas tradition, just hanging out with his friends in the lead up to the holiday. He wasn't actually too fussed about the 25th of December itself, considering he tended to spend it alone. His family were too far away, and he liked the Christmassy vibe he got from spending December in a cold country. It wasn't the same in Thailand. That, and he couldn't really afford the flights.

So he tended to just sit in the house and enjoy the fact he got a day off from work. He'd treat himself to a cheesecake too; one that was meant to be for an entire family, because why the fuck not? It was his little Christmas present to himself.

But he much preferred the lead up to the big day. He loved the twinkling lights and wandering around Christmas Markets with an overpriced coffee to keep his hands warm. He loved shopping for gifts for his friends and wrapping them up with extravagant bows just because he could. He loved the excitement that radiated off of all the kids in the build up to Santa Claus coming down the chimney. It was difficult not to get swept up in it.

Just...he didn't have the family the rest of his friends did. He wasn't married, didn't have a long term boyfriend or anything like that. He didn't have any kids to wake him up at 5am so they could run downstairs and rip open their presents. He didn't even have a dog to spend the day with.

Which was why he loved the second Saturday of December. It was the one day they would all meet up - no kids - and just get steaming drunk. It was tradition. And it reminded him of their university days, which he missed so fucking much.

Ten wasn't ready to grow up. And he wished his friends would slow down too.

"Right, here you go." Ten made his way back to their table with a tray of drinks, handing them out to his three friends. "Oh, didn't realise you two were here. Sorry."

"It's fine, Yuta's buying my drinks all night, aren't you baby?" Taeyong beamed at his husband, head resting on the younger's shoulder. "He crashed the car again."

"I didn't crash it. I _grazed_ it."

"I told him it was way too icy to come off the drive, but of course he didn't listen. Now the passenger side door is missing."

"He's making it sound a lot worse than it actually is. It's purely cosmetic."

Ten scoffed at the two of them. Taeyong and Yuta were cute. They had all gone to university together and in Ten's second year he had moved in with the pair of them.

That was an experience.

He was constantly stuck in the middle as the two of them flitted around one another, each too stubborn and stupid to admit the fact they had feelings for each other. It was a nightmare, so much so that Ten refused to share a house with them the next year.

But, thankfully, that seemed to be the catalyst for them getting together. Without a third person there they were forced to speak to one another and...more. It wasn't long until things between them developed into a full blown relationship, much to the relief of everyone around them.

And now they were married. It had been three years; Yuta proposing on the day of their graduation and enjoying a long engagement while they focused on their careers. And now they had this adorable little baby by the name of Jisung. This was going to be his first Christmas and they were beyond excited. More excited than Jisung was, considering he was only ten months old and didn't really have a clue what was going on.

"I'll have a pink gin and lemonade." Taeyong patted his husband on the butt, sending him off on his way in the direction of the bar. "Double!"

Ten sipped at his pint as Yuta did as he was told. He was so under the thumb he almost felt for him. Then again, he deserved it. Falling for Taeyong and all.

He loved this though. He really did. Being surrounded by all of his favourite people doing what they did best; getting absolutely bladdered. He just wished everyone else would hurry up so they could really get the party started. He wanted Sambuca.

And that's why Ten practically jumped out of his seat the minute Johnny walked through the door. Finally! He was sick of being surrounded by the boring adults. He needed his partner in crime.

"Johnny!" He gave his best friend a little wave, Johnny shooting him a pair of finger guns back. Yeah. Johnny most definitely had not grown up, despite everything.

Johnny made his way to the bar to get him and Kun a drink each, while the younger of the pair dragged a couple of seats over from another table.

"I'm surprised you came! How you coping being away from Chenle?"

Ten suppressed an eye roll. He knew it wouldn't be long before talk turned to kids. Nice one Taeyong. He hated being old. He wanted to talk about something interesting. Not babies.

"It's killing me." Kun whined, phone in his hand in case of an emergency. Johnny's parents were looking after the kids, but...this had been his first night away from Chenle. His first time at all, actually. Their youngest was barely a month old. Kun couldn't help but feel a little guilty leaving him behind to go out and get pissed.

"He's in safe hands, babe. He'll be fine. They all will." Johnny took a seat next to his husband, setting a glass of Merlot down in front of him, which Kun practically downed. God he'd missed wine.

Johnny and Kun had themselves a little tribe. Three kids before thirty. Ten honestly thought they were crazy, but they were both very dedicated parents. They loved their babies a lot.

Johnny was Ten's best friend. The two of them had pretty much grown up together after Ten applied to study in an American high school. He ended up in Chicago and met this dumb jock called Johnny who he just couldn't seem to shake and, well...here they were. Fifteen years later. Still best friends but living in a whole new continent.

And he and Johnny had been through a lot together. University stress, broken relationships, quitting jobs, even a failed marriage. Which was why Ten was so happy that Johnny had found Kun.

The two of them had met at a kids play group that Johnny used to take his son Donghyuck to after his ex took off. He couldn't look after him 24/7, and it was healthy from Donghyuck to socialise with kids his own age, instead of spending all of his time with his Daddy.

That's where he made friends with a boy called Yangyang who was just a few months younger than him. And it just so happened that Yangyang's father was drop dead gorgeous, and the moment Johnny set eyes on him, he knew he had to have him.

They began dating, eventually, after months of Johnny pulling out all of his best chat up lines and trying to get Kun to come out from his shell. He too had not long come out of a previous relationship, one that left him with very little trust and absolutely no faith in love actually existing.

But eventually he gave in to Johnny's charms and agreed to go out on a date with him. Which turned into another and another then another and two years later Kun found himself walking down the aisle, his and Johnny's boys walking in front of him, scattering flowers.

It was perfect. Johnny had taught him to trust again, taught him that love really did exist.

And now they had a new addition to their family. Baby Chenle. He had only been born last month and Kun was absolutely obsessed with him.

"I know." Kun sighed. He knew nothing bad was going to happen...but that didn't stop him missing his little baby.

"Give it a few years and you won't be able to wait to get away from him." Jaehyun scoffed making Ten laugh under his breath. Especially when Doyoung shot him a glare. "I don't feel like that about the twins! Honestly!"

Ten snorted to himself. Jaehyun had a habit of saying the wrong thing, especially in front of his husband. You'd think he would have learnt his lesson by now, Doyoung most definitely wore the trousers in that relationship.

"Just for that, you can be the one to deal with them in the morning while I'm nursing my hangover." Doyoung shot back. Honestly...he felt the same. He would never admit that aloud, especially not when he had Jaehyun so under the thumb. But their kids were...they were loud. Very loud. It was no surprise that it was so difficult for them to find a sitter for Jeno and Jaemin tonight.

"I thought we had plans tomorrow." Jaehyun raised his eyebrows as Doyoung blinked back at him, pretending to have no idea what he was talking about.

"Well _I_ may have plans, but you are looking after our two adorable little three year olds."

"I was talking about...you know. Sex." Jaehyun tried to whisper the last word out, failing miserably. That was probably where Jeno and Jaemin got their loudness from; their fathers huge mouth.

"The fact you have to plan that is so sad." Ten groaned. Married people were so depressing. All that...structure. Couldn't be Ten.

"You say that as if you're getting laid on the regular."

"Yeah, at least I can get it whenever I want." Doyoung bit down on his bottom lip before leaning in to press a quick kiss to his husband's nose. That made Ten gag a little. Out of all of his married friends, Jaehyun and Doyoung were definitely the grossest.

Jaehyun was one of Johnny's friends, they had worked together for years, and it wasn't long until Johnny introduced him to Ten.

Ten would be lying if he said he wasn't a tiny bit jealous at first, the fact that Jaehyun got to see Johnny every day, but he actually liked Jaehyun a lot and the three of them ended up spending a lot of time together. They were Ten's favourite drinking buddies, his wing men, especially after Johnny went through his divorce and was a free agent again. They had a lot of fun together.

But things changed when Jaehyun met Doyoung. Things...slowed down.

Doyoung was a lot more mature than the three of them put together, and he wasn't a huge fan of the fact Jaehyun seemed nowhere near ready to settle down. That he was rather go out drinking with his friends on a Wednesday night than snuggle up and watch a movie with his boyfriend.

But things did a 180 when Doyoung fell pregnant with the twins.

He didn't want to spend his nights in a bar or playing on video games with Johnny til god knows what time in the morning. He didn't want to wake up hungover every morning, dragging himself out of bed just because he had to go to work.

He wanted to be a good father. And a good boyfriend...husband, even.

Jaehyun proposed to Doyoung when he was about five months gone, and although Ten had his reservations to start with, somehow pregnancy seemed to soften Doyoung up a little. It was like he and Jaehyun completely traded places. It was Jaehyun who was the uptight mess now, the one panicking over everything while Doyoung breezed through the entire pregnancy. It made him relax a little. And it made Ten like him more.

"Dejun's on his way." Kun announced, being the first to read any messages from their group chat. His heart had nearly leaped out of his throat when his phone lit up, but thankfully it wasn't Johnny's parents calling about the kids. "Has anyone heard from Sicheng?"

"He's been having trouble getting a sitter." Yuta spoke up from the end of their table. "His usual cancelled and I guess tonight's a busy one."

Ten opened his phone up, allowing himself to get absorbed in it. He and Sicheng… Well, they got on. Or at least they _did_. Their relationship… friendship had taken a bit of a weird turn. Things just seemed to be harder between the two of them at the moment.

"I'm absolutely dying for a tab." Ten stood, nudging Johnny, suddenly wanting to be out of the conversation. "You coming?"

"Yeah one second."

Ten made his way outside, knowing Johnny would follow eventually. He lit up his cigarette, enjoying the peace for a couple of seconds before someone called his name. Oh, here we go.

"Ten!"

"Hey." Ten giggled as Mark threw his arms around him. He was always so damn clingy whenever they hadn't seen each other for a while.

Mark was Johnny's younger brother, so Ten had known him for years. Ten hadn't expected him to leave his home country and follow Johnny across to Europe, but… he did. The whole family did, in fact. And Ten was glad they did, honestly. He cared about Mark a lot. That was his little brother too, in a way.

"This is Xuxi! Xuxi, Ten. Ten, Xuxi." Mark beamed as he flitted between the two of them. This was the first time he was introducing his new boyfriend to his friends and he was a little nervous. He wasn't sure why because he knew they would absolutely love Xuxi. How could they not? He was sweet and absolutely hilarious. If anything...he was more worried that his friends were going to embarrass him in some way.

Because that's what they did best.

"Oh, so I finally get to meet him? He never shuts up about you."

"Ten!" Mark hissed out as Xuxi beamed brightly behind his boyfriend. He really did have a killer smile.

"What? It's cute!" Ten pinched Mark's cheek, making the younger squirm. It didn't take much to rile Mark up and turn him beet red.

"God, you're so annoying." Mark hooked his arm in the crook of Xuxi's, pulling him towards the doorway, desperately needing him to get away from Ten before he embarrassed him even more. "Let's go get a drink."

"Bye, Markie! Love you!"

Mark shot Ten one last glare before disappearing inside the pub. Almost everyone was here now, meaning things could really get started. He was most definitely ordering a round of shots once everyone showed up.

Or maybe...as soon as he got back inside. Dejun and Kunhang were on their way, so, it was only Sicheng who wasn't here yet and...He might not even make it. Hopefully.

Ten was exhaling the last of the smoke from his lungs when Johnny came out to join him, which was a great excuse to have a second one.

"Lighter?"

"Thanks." Johnny shivered a little as he took his first drag, clearly forgetting to dress for the occasion considering he was just wearing a long sleeved denim shirt. Did he not realise it was December? "So, how are you? Feel like I haven't seen you forever."

"Eh, fine." Ten shrugged. Because he was. He had a job that paid enough and he didn't have to work ridiculous hours. He had a nice little affordable apartment and this cat that liked to visit him for food. His life was fine. Just fine. "Same old, you know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah...why?" Ten furrowed his eyebrows a little; Johnny was giving him that look. That one that meant he was concerned for some reason.

"How's the love life?"

Ten rolled his eyes.

"None existent, thanks for asking."

"What about you and Sicheng?"

"There is no _me and Sicheng."_

"So...you haven't spoken to him?"

"We don't have a whole lot to talk about."

Johnny gave Ten this different look. One that said _'don't bullshit me'._ He knew exactly what had gone down between the two of them on Yuta's birthday. How they had all gone out that night and Ten found himself in Sicheng's bed. How they hadn't spoken about it like normal adults since.

And Johnny was worried. He was worried it was going to rip their friendship group apart and then everything would be super awkward between them all.

But most of all he was worried about Ten because he knew his best friend had a tendency to bottle things up and pretend it was all good when it most definitely wasn't.

He feared this was one of those times.

"So, you're just pretending it didn't happen?"

"Pretty much." Ten shrugged. Jesus Christ, if Johnny didn't stop hounding him he was going to have to move onto cigarette number three. "It's not a big deal. We fucked. That's all."

Johnny sighed. He wasn't going to get anywhere with this, was he? Ten was stubborn and he absolutely hated talking about his feelings, there was no way he was going to do it tonight. Not when there were so many people here.

"If you say so." Johnny stubbed his cigarette out. There was no point in trying. "You coming back in?"

"Yeah, sure."

The two of them made their way back into the pub, Johnny throwing a shoulder around Kun's shoulder as he sat down next to him. His husband had just received a picture of their baby fast asleep from Johnny's parents and he couldn't help but show him. They were so proud of Chenle. It was cute...

But Ten couldn't help but feel left out as he took his own seat. He was surrounded by couples, by married people, by people who were madly in love.

There was Taeyong and Yuta who had been together for god knows how long and were finally beginning to start a family. Ten was pretty sure they were going to be together forever too. It almost made him believe in love or whatever.

Taeil and Jungwoo - who had finally arrived after finishing work. They may be bickering right now after the fact Jungwoo had to get a taxi here since Taeil has been drinking, but...they were still in that honeymoon period. Couldn't keep their hands off of each other.

Johnny and Kun had found each other and built a family together, despite the heartbreak they'd both dealt with in the past. Donghyuck and Yangyang absolutely adored each other, and now they had this new little baby they'd made together.

Even Dejun and Kunhang were here. They were only twenty five and they had been together for ten years. A whole decade. They were literal high school sweethearts. Ten couldn't even fathom that. He couldn't even remember the last time he was in a relationship. Or, rather, he tried not to.

Jaehyun and Doyoung who were so fucking perfect for each other, despite the way Doyoung totally ruled the roost. Jaehyun seemed more than happy to let him take the lead, and Ten knew that was why they were going to last.

And last but not least, Mark and Xuxi. They were brand new, but Ten could see just by watching the way they spoke, the way Xuxi's hand rested on Mark's knee, they were completely besotted with one another. And it may only be early days...but it did make Ten jealous.

He wanted that.

He wanted it so bad, but he would never say that aloud. He didn't want to look desperate. Didn't want to look like he was looking for love because how fucking pathetic was that? It was easier just to act aloof, like he didn't care and much preferred random hook-ups because they were less hassle.

It was easier to pretend when you were the only single one of the friendship group.

Because it was almost embarrassing.

What was so wrong with him? Why couldn't he find what they all had?

Why did no one love him like that...?

"You made it!"

Ten snapped out of his self-loathing as Taeyong shrieked from across the table, holding his arms out to give someone a big hug.

And that someone was Sicheng.

Of course it was.

Okay, so… Ten wasn't the only single one of their friendship group. Sicheng was too. Which in theory sounded great, right? It was like they were the last two pieces of the puzzle, ready to slot together or something just as cliché. It made sense for them to fall in love, right?

Wrong.

Because Sicheng had absolutely no interest in Ten.

And Ten absolutely hated himself for the way his heart rate literally tripled whenever she saw Sicheng.

He threw Johnny a nonchalant shrug as the elder mouthed 'you okay?' to him from across the table. Because he was. Or, he had to be. What was he going to do? Cry and make a big scene? Jump into Sicheng's lap and kiss him in front of everyone - in the hope he would reciprocate?

God no. He'd just sit here and drink his beer and try not to think about the last time Sicheng kissed him… About the last time they fucked.

Because it wasn't just a one time thing - not like Johnny thought it was.

Ten usually told Johnny everything, but this was so fucking… god, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't cope with the lecture even though he knew he probably needed it.

Because he couldn't keep doing this to himself.

He couldn't keep waking up to an empty bed knowing fine well who had fallen asleep in it the night before.

He couldn't keep breaking his heart thinking maybe, just maybe, if he put out one more time it would change Sicheng's mind and maybe he'd fall in love with him or something...

Because it wasn't going to happen.

And he should really try to accept that.

But from the look Sicheng just shot him, lips quirked up at the corners, he knew exactly where he was going to end up tonight.

"Right. I'm getting shots." Ten turned on his heel, heading for the bar before anyone even had the chance to reply. He would just get everyone one. If they didn't want it, then more for him.

"Twelve shots of 'buca please." He shouted at the barman, despite the fact the music wasn't even that loud in here. He just...he didn't know. His brain didn't seem to be functioning properly. And he needed to get drunk.

Wait...why did he get twelve? Why was he getting Sicheng one? Fuck it. He'd just have one now, then give them out to everyone else in an act of defiance. Yeah. That would get the point across.

"Is one of those for me?"

Ten nearly choked on the sickly liquid as it hit the back of his throat. Why someone would choose to speak to him at that moment was beyond him.

And of course. That person was Sicheng. Of course it was. And he was reaching for one of Ten's shots? Rude.

"Actually. No." Ten snatched the tiny glass from Sicheng's hand, downing it himself. He was probably going to regret that. He didn't even like aniseed that much, but he definitely preferred it to tequila. "They're not."

"Okay..." Sicheng raised his eyebrows. What the fuck was Ten's problem? "But if you're going to drink all of those yourself, I'm not carrying you home."

"Good. Because that's the last thing I want."

"Are you mad at me?"

Ten didn't get the chance to reply as Johnny came bolting over - almost as if he could smell the liquor.

"Fuck yes!" Ten snorted as Johnny grabbed the tray of shots from the bar. He loved that his best friend hadn't changed even after having three kids. "Get these down my neck."

Ten followed, throwing Sicheng one last glare.

"You looked like you needed saving."

"I'm fine. Seriously."

Johnny wasn't buying it, but he made his way back to their table anyway. There was no speaking to Ten sometimes, he had learnt that over the years. He wasn't going to listen and there wasn't much Johnny could do about it bar dragging him out of the pub kicking and screaming. If Ten wanted to mope over Sicheng then he could get on with it.

"You have to be kidding." Kun moaned as Johnny re-joined them all. The last thing he wanted was Sambuca. He'd just had his first glass of wine in nearly a year and that was already going to his head.

"Well, I'll just have yours." Ten was thankful for the extra shot if he was being perfectly honest. He should have gotten extra just for himself.

But it turned out he didn't have to, after Taeil and Kunhang both decided they didn't want one either. Perfect. He was now five Sambuca's deep and it was starting to hit him.

Not that he cared. It was Christmas. He was going to enjoy himself.

And he did. Maybe a little too much.

But he couldn't help himself. He loved all of his friends so much and he hated that they barely got to spend much time together anymore. He didn't resent their kids or anything, but...things were just easier when they were younger, when they had no responsibilities. And Ten missed that a lot.

Which was why this day was so important to him. It gave him his youth back, even if it was only for a few hours.

He loved watching them all smile and laugh and drink together. He loved having conversations about... just nothing. No baby talk. No wedding talk. No household bills or mortgage talk. Just him and all of his favourite people being fucking stupid.

He got to learn all about how Kunhang's new job was going now he'd finally got into accounting. He listened to tales of nightmare customers from Jungwoo. He reminisced about university with Johnny, Taeyong and Yuta. And he even got so many cuddles off of a very drunk Kun. He just couldn't hold his drink anymore. Not since Chenle.

He was enjoying himself.

…Definitely a little too much. 

"He's so cute! Are you sure you don't want to share him?" Ten giggled, hanging off of Xuxi as Mark folded his arms across his chest in response. He had lost count of how many drinks he'd had at this point, moving on from the beers to double gins. "I bet me and you would have a lot of fun together."

"Ten!" Mark gaped as Ten ran his index finger down Xuxi's sternum. His boyfriend seemed completely unfased, but Mark was furious. What was Ten playing at? "Get your hands off of him!"

Ten stumbled back as Mark pushed him away, clearly sick of someone else having their hands all over his boyfriend. This was exactly why he never wanted to introduce them. He knew something would happen.

"Are you fucking serious?" Ten was beginning to get riled up; a mixture of the drink and this entire situation. And now Mark was pushing him? Really? That just made it easier for him to take all of his frustration out on someone. Someone that wasn't Sicheng. Because even though Ten had completely given him the cold shoulder before, Sicheng hadn't made any effort to speak to him.

And that pissed Ten off.

"Of course I am!" Mark bit back, Xuxi's arm around his waist. This was getting way too heated for his liking. The last thing he wanted was an argument caused by him. He had never even met these people before.

"Mark, leave it."

"No! I'm not gonna fucking leave it!" Mark wouldn't consider himself particularly confrontational, especially not with Ten, but he wasn't going to stand back and just watch. He finally had someone that he loved and loved him back and Ten- "He can't stand seeing anyone else happy. Just because no one wants you, doesn't mean you have to ruin it for the rest of us."

Jaehyun braced himself, a hand on Ten's shoulder because he was pretty sure he was about to lunge for Mark. No one got away with speaking to Ten like that. Not even one of his closest friends.

But...he didn't. His shoulders drooped, and if Jaehyun didn't know any better he could have sworn he heard Ten sniffle.

"Take that back."

"No! It's fucking true. You're jealous and bitter and I can't stand it anymore. I've finally found someone and you're-" now Mark was beginning to well up. Emotions were running really high tonight. "You need to grow the fuck up."

"Oh, I need to grow up? I'm not the one living in my parent's spare bedroom. Do they even let you have sleepovers?" Ten gestured to Xuxi, air quotation Mark's highlighting the word. As if Mark didn't understand what Ten was getting at.

"You're an asshole." Mark had been worried about Xuxi meeting his friends, thinking they'd tell him all these dumb stories from when he was younger. But this- This hadn't even crossed his mind. "You're nearly thirty. Sort your fucking life out."

Mark took Xuxi by the hand and stormed out of the building. He knew it was rude, considering his brother and all their friends were here and it was their big Christmas night out. But he wasn't going to be spoken to like that. Not in front of his boyfriend.

Ten tried to control his breathing as everything seemed to go silent around him. As everyone was staring at him. Like _he_ was the bad guy. He was just having a good time and- Sort his life out? His life was just fine. He didn't need a ring on his finger and a kid on his hip to be happy. His life was going just fine.

But if that was true then why did Mark's words affect him so much?

_Just because no one wants you._

_Can't stand to see anyone else happy._

_Bitter and jealous_.

Was he? Because he had spent the night wishing everyone would shut the fuck up about their perfect husband's and their perfect kids and their perfect lives and just act like they were twenty again. When they had no worries other than whether they had enough money left of their overdraft to buy another vodka soda lime.

But...things weren't like that anymore.

He wasn't twenty. He would be twenty-nine in a couple of months... Nearly thirty. Just like Mark had pointed out.

He wasn't a kid anymore.

But he still acted like it.

And... No one did want him. No one would ever love him. Not like... Not like _he_ had.

"Hey." Ten flinched as Jaehyun squeezed his shoulder. "You okay?"

"Fine."

"Want me to take you home?"

Ten furrowed his eyebrows, ignoring the way that made tears brim in his eyes a little. Home? Why the fuck would he want to go home? Because it was the sensible, adult thing to do when you were so drunk you just had a huge argument with one of your best friends?

Absolutely not. Fuck that.

If Mark thought he was immature then he might as well live up to it because who the fuck wanted to grow up anyway?

"No. I want another drink."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Yuta stepped in front of Ten as he shrugged Jaehyun's hand off. He knew Ten liked to drink, but...he really didn't want any more arguments. "I'll get you a water."

"Water?" Ten scoffed. Was Yuta for real? A water? "What kind of lightweight do you think I am?"

"Ten...you're wasted." Taeil looked him up and down as Ten swayed a little, before rolling his eyes and pushing past Yuta to make his way to the bar. This was getting annoying.

"Hey." This time Johnny stepped in front of him. Ten getting another drink really wasn't a good idea. He was pretty sure the bar wouldn't even serve him considering the state he was in, but...that would only rile him up even more and he really didn't want to see his best friend get kicked out for arguing with the staff. "Maybe we should call it a night. You can stay at ours."

"Jesus Christ." Ten rolled his eyes again, a motion that made him a little dizzy. Why was everyone treating him like a fucking child? He knew what he was doing.

"Fine." Ten held his hands up in surrender. "If you won't let me get a drink, I'm going out for a tab."

"Ten-" Johnny tried, knowing he'd be worse once the air hit him. They might not even let him back in.

"Don't!" Ten bit back, rifling around in his pocket for his cigarettes, not thinking to take his jacket despite how cold it was outside. He _did not_ want to talk right now. "Fucking don't."

He couldn't deal with any of them right now. They were all pissing him off. Trying to spoil his night. Just because they'd ruined their lives by getting tied down didn't mean he had to.

So he made his way outside, instantly regretting the fact he left his coat like an idiot, but he was way too stubborn to go back in and look like he'd made a mistake.

He fumbled with his lighter, trying to get it to work but it just kept sparking and sparking, never actually igniting. As if his night couldn't get any worse, now he couldn't even have a cigarette to try and calm him down.

For fucks sake.

"Piece of shit." Ten mumbled under his breath, throwing the lighter in a nearby ashtray. This just wasn't his night, was it? And there wasn't a single person out here. There was no way he was going back inside. Not yet. He'd just have to-

"Here." Ten flinched as someone thrust a lighter in his face, going to take it before realising who that hand belonged to.

Sicheng.

Fabulous.

"I'm good, thanks."

"Suit yourself." Sicheng shrugged, lighting up a cigarette of his own. He didn't even really smoke, only on occasion when he'd been drinking, but it was a good excuse for him to come outside. And it was clearly making Ten jealous; fingers twitching as his eyes locked on the stick between Sicheng's lips.

He was going to have to swallow his pride, wasn't he?

"Fine, give me it."

Sicheng quirked an eyebrow, riling Ten up even more. Of all the people to come out here, couldn't it be one of his real friends? It said a lot that they didn't even bother and Sicheng was the one who came to see him. Even if it was only to piss him off.

"Are you serious?"

"I'm teaching Renjun about manners."

 _"Please_ can I borrow your lighter?"

Ten huffed as Sicheng handed it over. Finally.

The two of them stood in silence for a couple of minutes as they both puffed away. Well this wasn't awkward at all. Ten would have left if he could but...he didn't want to seem rude. He'd already had one argument tonight. He didn't want another.

"What's going on with you?" Sicheng finally spoke up. He looked...worried. "I've never seen you like that. Especially not with Mark."

"Yeah, well. He shouldn't have pushed me."

"It's not true...what he said."

Ten swallowed, his cigarette burning dangerously close to the filter and therefore his fingers. He wanted another already but didn't want to have to ask Sicheng for a light again...

"That no one wants you. That isn't true."

Ten's heart thumped against his chest, keeping his line of vision straight forward. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sicheng because...well, he'd probably burst out in tears.

What was Sicheng saying?

That- That he wanted...

No. That was stupid. There was absolutely no way he could let himself get his hopes up. Again.

He was just destined to be alone or something just as melodramatic. He had his chance at happiness and it was ripped away from him.

You didn't get a second shot at something like that.

"Anyone would be lucky to be with you."

Ten let out a shuddering breath. Jesus Christ. Why was Sicheng being so...nice? They never talked like this. About...emotions and stuff. They just- They fucked. They fucked and then Sicheng would go back home to his son leaving Ten feeling twenty times emptier than he had before Sicheng sent him a text.

But here he was, saying all the right things and- No one else had even bothered to check if he was okay. If he was even outside of the pub. He could have wandered off into the night for all they knew.

But Sicheng cared. He actually cared.

"Want me to call you a taxi?"

Ten nodded softly. He didn't want to go back inside. He didn't want to see anyone else. What was the point?

He just wanted to go home.

"I'll go get your stuff. Wait here."

Ten did as he was told; taking a seat out front, another cigarette between his lips, smouldering from the lighter Sicheng had left him.

"Come on. Home time."

Ten let Sicheng shrug his jacket over his shoulders, and it took everything in him not to lean forward and press a kiss to his lips because- He was so close. But Sicheng was all he had right now. He couldn't ruin things.

He let Sicheng guide him to the taxi and close the door behind him before slipping into the other side. And Sicheng let Ten rest his head on his shoulder as they made their way home, the younger muttering directions to the driver.

And that's when Ten realised that Sicheng was directing him back home. Actual home... Not Sicheng's home.

Ten knew Renjun was with Sicheng's cousin, over at her place. He wasn't in the house. Usually Sicheng would jump at the chance to get Ten back to his because he always preferred fucking in his own bed, but-

He was sending Ten home? Alone?

"C-Can I come back to yours?"

"Is that a good idea?"

"I don't want to be alone."

"Ten..." Sicheng sighed, knowing exactly where this was going. "I think it's best if you just went to bed."

Ten sat up a little, swallowing thickly.

"I- I thought you said what Mark said wasn't true... Don't you want me?"

"I do- You're drunk, I don't want to take advantage of you."

"I know what I'm doing." Ten shuffled a little closer. Of course he wanted Sicheng to fuck him. That always made him feel better. Maybe only temporarily, because by now he knew it wasn't going anywhere. There wasn't going to be some grand declaration of love afterwards. He'd just go home with a pain in his lower back and cry himself to sleep because Mark was in fact correct. No one wanted him. Not for keeps.

But for now, he'd take anything from Sicheng. He just needed to be close to someone.

"We don't have to...do anything. Just- Please don't make me go home."

Sicheng nodded softly, giving in. He'd never seen Ten like this before. He looked like he was about to burst out in tears, and in the four years they had known each other, since Jaehyun had introduced them, he had never once seen Ten cry.

"Okay fine. But nothing is going to happen, okay?"

Ten honestly couldn't remember the taxi ride home; there was something about taxis that gave him amnesia. Okay, so it was probably all of the shots he had done, but the next thing he knew he was in Sicheng's kitchen helping himself to a bottle of wine.

"Don't you think you should sleep?"

"It's barely midnight. Come on, it's Christmas." Ten whined, waving the bottle in Sicheng's face, the younger grabbing it before Ten inevitably dropped it and it smashed everywhere. "Let's get wasted!"

"You're already wasted."

"Oh stop being so boring." Ten grabbed two plastic cups from Sicheng's cupboard, knowing glass probably wasn't the best idea. "Just one."

Sicheng hummed. He had kind of wanted to get off his face tonight. He didn't have to pick Renjun up til midday and...Well, he didn't get to do this as much as he'd like to anymore.

"Fine." Sicheng twisted the lid off of the bottle, Ten bouncing a little on the spot as it cracked open. "But we're just drinking. No funny business."


	2. christkindlmarkt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg Christmas is so closeeee ahhh so here is some more Christmas joy (and a bit of angst :///) but lots of renjun being the best boy ever!!! 
> 
> TW: past domestic abuse mention

Ten woke with a pounding headache. So bad he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. He had no fucking idea what time it was but no doubt it was bright and he really did not want to deal with that right now. 

But...he was going to have to. His mouth felt drier than the Sahara and he didn't really want to clean his sheets after he inevitably threw up in them because… Yeah. It was gonna happen. 

He forced himself up, wincing as a pain shot through his lower back. What the fuck? 

And that's when it came back to him. 

Sicheng. 

He had gone home with Sicheng last night. 

But...he wasn't there. The bed was empty. Of course it was. Sicheng never stayed. He would never stay, not for Ten. He got what he wanted and left because that's always how this went. And Ten let it happen because at the time it felt like it was better than nothing. He got Sicheng's lips on his and his hands all over his body and he could let himself pretend it was real. Just for a little bit. 

But then morning came, and all he was left with was regret and a pain in his ass. 

Only today he had a hangover too. 

Wonderful. 

Ten navigated his way through the room, pulling some clothes on as tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision. He swore under his breath as he walked into a cabinet he definitely could not remember putting there. Maybe he was still drunk. 

He needed to throw up and shower the shame off of himself as soon as possible. 

"Hey."

But something stopped him in his tracks. 

Or rather, someone. 

"You want breakfast? I was gonna order McDonald's."

Was that...Sicheng? He was still here? He stayed? 

Ten hastily wiped his eyes, not wanting Sicheng to see him cry like a little bitch because then he'd have to explain himself and he really wasn't up for that. 

And that's when he realised. 

This wasn't even his house. 

He was stood in Sicheng's living room, upset over the fact the younger had fucked him and left when they were in Sicheng's house and he was literally sat there on the sofa, a blanket strewn across his legs. 

What did this mean? He had never let Ten stay over before… Did they- Did they cuddle last night? Ten's heart rate rose at the thought. 

"Can I have pancakes?"

Sicheng scoffed. Who the fuck got pancakes from McDonald's? But he typed the request into his phone anyway. 

"How's your back?"

Ten furrowed his eyebrows. His back…? Really? He knew Sicheng was cocky when it came to sex but come on. Yeah, he was in agony all because of that dick. No need to brag. 

"Turn around, let me see."

Ten did as he was told, not really sure why. He was pretty sure Sicheng rearranging his guts wouldn't be visible on the outside, but Sicheng lifted the back of his t-shirt up anyway, before hissing. 

"Fuck. You want some ice for that?" 

"Oh come on." Ten rolled his eyes, tugging his shirt from Sicheng's grasp. "You weren't that good."

"Weren't that- What?"

"I'm a big boy, Sicheng. I can sit on a dick without needing an ice pack in the morning."

Sicheng seemed to sit up, suddenly more alert, eyes even wider than usual. 

"Do you think we had sex last night?"

Ten gaped for a second. Wait- He and- They didn't- But… He was in Sicheng’s bed. Naked. And his ass fucking hurt. 

"You can't even remember, can you? Do you remember coming back here?"

"I…" He couldn't. He vaguely remembered being in a taxi, but… "No."

"So I take it you don't remember falling off my dining chair? Hence the giant bruise on your back?"

Ten blinked. He did what? Why the fuck was he on the- Oh. No, wait. It was starting to come back to him… He was singing Mariah Carey. Oh Jesus Christ how embarrassing. And he fell?

"...kind of."

"It was a miracle you didn't hit your head and get a concussion. I had to put you to bed and sleep on my own sofa." Sicheng pushed the blanket he had over him to the side, standing with his arms folded across his chest. "And you seriously think I'd sleep with you when you were in that state?"

Ten's lips moved to formulate a response but couldn't seem to. 

He was such a fucking idiot. 

He'd gone from being angry at Sicheng for leaving him after what he had assumed had been a passionate fuck-filled night, to being head over heels, ready to move in thinking Sicheng had cuddled him through the night after the very same passionate endeavour to...this. Face beet red, heart threatening to burst out of his rib cage because he had not only completely embarrassed himself in front of the love of his life, but he had also accused him of taking advantage of him in his drunken state. 

Fantastic. 

Merry fucking Christmas, Ten. You've gone and fucked everything up with the one person that wasn't pissed off with you last night. 

"I- I just assumed because…" he gestured towards the bedroom. "And I couldn't… God, I'm sorry, I just."

Ten panicked. He had to get out of here. He couldn't do it. Everything seemed to be imploding around him and it always seemed to be his fault. He spotted his jacket thrown over the back of one of Sicheng's dining room chairs, probably the one he fell off. 

He grabbed it, hastily throwing it on and hoping to god his shoes were by the door because he needed to leave. Now. 

"Ten wai-" Sicheng went to stop him, not wanting Ten to just take off. They had fun last night, and it didn't even involve sex. For the first time...ever. He couldn't really blame Ten for assuming. That's what they did best. 

"Thanks for letting me stay." Ten mumbled, not even able to look Sicheng in the eye before slipping his shoes on (thank god they were at the door) and shooting out of Sicheng's apartment. 

Sicheng was left gaping as the door slammed shut. 

What the fuck? 

What was going on with Ten these days? First he was fighting with Mark now...he was so flighty. Why? Sicheng usually struggled to get rid of him. 

He sighed to himself, pulling his phone out of his pocket to text his cousin. She may as well bring Renjun back early. It wasn't like he had a terrible hangover to recover from. 

And someone was going to have to eat those pancakes. 

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Ten spent his entire Sunday moping around. He ordered his own McDonald's, a McChicken sandwich and three packs of cheese melt dippers because by the time he finally got home the breakfast menu was finished, and that was the only time he got out of his bed the entire day. 

He was so fucking sick of himself. He couldn't help but ruin everything. He was just a complete idiot. 

Christmas was a pretty lonely time for him, but this year… This year was definitely the worst. 

He would still see his friends in the run up, he would deliver his presents to the kids and watch them get all excited. And he loved that, it was different to what he liked to do around the holidays when he was younger, but even he could accept that this was life now. And his friends kids were adorable. They really were. 

But this year… he wasn't even sure he could bring himself to go see them. 

Ten wasn't great at apologising. Okay, so he totally sucked at it. The thought fucking terrified him. Even the idea of reaching out to someone sent his anxiety through the roof. Which was why his phone stayed completely silent that day. He was sure that everyone was pissed off at him. Sick of him, even. Maybe they saw this as an opportunity to get rid of their chaotic, single, childless friend once and for all, because they all knew Ten would never make the first move. He was too much of a coward. 

So Ten just lay there. All day. He slept on and off trying to forget how much of a mess his life was and how lonely he was going to be this year. He even had to stop himself from making a rash decision to buy a last minute flight home because he knew there was absolutely no way he could afford it. 

He was just going to have to resign himself to a few days of loneliness. Maybe even a week or two… Oh god, what was he going to do at New Year? That was one of the only other times all his friends would he plastered and he loved it so much. 

Though, maybe it was for the best that he didn't drink in front of them all again. He'd only make a fool of himself or start some needless argument out of pure jealousy. He didn't want to be the one to ruin everyone's fun. 

So maybe being on his own was for the best. For everyone's sake. 

But his wallowing in self-pity was ruined the next day when his phone rang around lunch time. 

Ten had been smart enough to take that Monday off of work in advance. He knew his hangover would last more than a day and he couldn't afford to take an extra day off at this time of year. It's not like he'd be doing any work anyway. 

So he forced himself to tidy up a little before resigning himself to the sofa for the rest of the day. He was half way through a docu-series about the world's toughest prisons when his phone chimed, making his heart jump. It had been totally silent for the past couple of days now and- Well, he was a little terrified to see who was making it vibrate. 

He cautiously picked his phone up, expecting the worst, only for it to _literally_ be the worst. Sicheng was calling him. 

Great. Of all the people… 

He wasn't sure whether he should bother answering. He was way too embarrassed after what happened yesterday. But this was Sicheng...how pathetic was it that Ten missed hearing his voice already? 

But then the phone stopped ringing. He had missed his chance. 

Oh well. 

There was no way he was going to call back instantly. Look that desperate? Not a chance. 

He settled his phone back down on the arm of the sofa before retreating back into the ball he was curled up in, remote in hand, ready to press play again when the buzzing resumed. 

Why was Sicheng calling him so incessantly? What could possibly be so important? 

He'd have to bite the bullet and find out, wouldn't he? 

"Hello?"

_"Oh thank Jesus. Listen, I'm really sorry to bother you, I know it's your day off but- Somethings happened at Renjun's daycare and-"_

"Oh my god, is he okay?"

_"He's fine. The woman that runs it has broken her ankle or something, I don't know the full story. I just need someone to pick him up and look after hi-"_

"Sicheng…" Ten sighed. Just because he knew lots of people with kids, didn't mean he was any good with them. 

_"Please? It'll just be for a few hours. He has his gymnastics class at four I just need someone to watch him until then. I'm really desperate I- I can't get out of work because then they'll want me to make the time up and I have so much planned for him it'll break his heart and-"_

"Okay."

_"I don't know who else to call everyone's working or busy with- Really?"_

"Of course… I think it's really shitty that they won't let you leave, but- I'll go get him."

_"Oh my god thank you. You're a life saver. I owe you big time. I'll make it up to you."_

"Y-You really don't have to." 

_"I will! Look, I gotta go, but I'll text you the address. Just try and keep him occupied until his class! He already has his gym stuff in his backpack. Thanks again!"_

And with that Sicheng hung up, leaving Ten wondering what the hell he had just signed up for. Looking after a kid for the day - and not just any kid, this guy he was completely and utterly in love withs kid. The very same guy he had walked out on yesterday after totally embarrassing himself. 

Wonderful. This was just going to be...fabulous. 

But he said he'd do it now. There was no backing out. That wouldn't be fair on little Renjun. 

So he got himself ready and made his way to the address Sicheng sent him as quick as he could. 

Ten had never been left alone with Renjun. Ever. Sure, he had met the kid a number of times, but it was usually when the other kids were there too. He was much more comfortable with Donghyuck and Yangyang. Hell, he would even look after the twins on occasion if he absolutely had to. But Sicheng had never asked him to babysit or anything. And all the time he did spend at Sicheng's definitely was not child friendly. 

He wondered if Renjun would even recognise him. 

"Why are you here?"

Ten had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't even realised Renjun walking towards him in the corridor of the daycare centre. 

"Where's my papa?"

"H-He's at work." Ten had no idea why he felt so nervous around a five-year-old. But Renjun had these deep eyes that kind of stared right into his soul and it freaked him out a little. "I'm gonna look after you until you need to go to gymnastics."

Renjun hummed, assessing the situation a little. 

"Do you have proof?"

"What?"

"Papa said never to go with strange people."

_Strange?_

"He called me before, said your teacher or whatever's broken her ankle."

Renjun narrowed his eyes a little. The kid was smart, Ten would give him that. He had the sense not to just wander off with any old person. 

"Want me to ring him?"

Renjun nodded. 

Ten sighed, punching Sicheng's number into his phone. He really hoped he would pick up considering he was at work. Ten didn't really fancy spending all day hanging out here because Renjun didn't trust him enough to leave. 

_"What's wrong? Has something happened? Is Renjun okay? Oh god please don't say he's went missing I told them to make sure he stayed there until-"_

"He's fine." Ten chuckled under his breath. It was adorable how much Sicheng loved his son. "In fact, he won't leave with me until he knows it's okay with you. He's taken your stranger danger lessons to heart."

Ten couldn't see Sicheng, but he knew he'd have that one dumb toothy smile on his face right now. The one Ten was absolutely besotted with. 

_"Pass him the phone."_

Ten crouched down; handing the phone to Renjun to the boy could speak to his father. 

"Hi, Papa… Yeah… Okay… I will be… Yes! I promise I'll be good… Yes, Papa… Love you, bye!"

And with that Renjun hung up, passing the phone back to Ten and leaving him wondering how on earth a five-year-old even knew how to end a call. 

"Okay, let's go."

Renjun turned on his heel, thumbs hooked in the straps of his backpack and he made his way out of the building. His Papa said Uncle Ten was going to look after him for a few hours so that was good enough for him. 

Well, okay then. 

Ten scrambled up, jogging a couple of steps to keep up with the five-year-old as he pushed through the doors to lead them back into the car park. 

"What do you want to do?"

"Go home and play on my iPad."

"Well…" Ten twisted his nose. That wasn't going to happen. "I don't have a key to your house, so… We'll have to do something else. You hungry?"

Renjun nodded. 

"Wanna go to the Christmas market? We can get whatever you want."

Renjun's eyes lit up. That sounded fun! He went to the Christmas market a few weeks ago with his Papa and he got to meet Santa and everything!

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Sure, come on." Ten knew one way to keep kids happy and that was food. Especially sweet food. It wasn't like he'd have to deal with Renjun's sugar rush later on, and he was going to gymnastics anyway. It would be good for his energy levels, right? "It's only a little walk from here."

Ten was pretty excited to visit the Christmas market himself. Usually he would go drink mulled wine and maybe have a Baileys then move onto a few festive gins but… this trip was going to be a little different. He was the responsible adult for once. 

But he honestly nearly jumped out of his skin when a little gloved hand snuck its way into its own. 

"Papa said to hold always hands so I don't get lost!"

That was the moment Ten's heart literally melted. Renjun was looking up at him with those huge cat like eyes of his; ones that were exact replicas of his father's. He had a little smile on his face and his dark hair was poking out from under his red bobble hat. He was adorable. Like a tiny version of Sicheng. 

"You're very smart for your age."

"I know!" Renjun beamed back, a gap in his bottom row of teeth from when he lost his very first one only weeks ago. He couldn't wait to lose more teeth and get money from the tooth fairy again. "Papa said I'm the smartest kid he knows!"

Ten laughed under his breath. That… That probably wasn't a lie, actually. 

"You love your papa a lot, huh?"

"He's the best!" 

Ten smiled softly to himself as Renjun swung their joined hands back and forth as they walked. Ten couldn't see himself having kids. There was a time where maybe- but not anymore. That would mean he'd have to grow up and settle down, and he definitely wasn't ready for that. They were expensive and loud and Ten really didn't want to dedicate his life to raising someone else. But he could see why his friends loved their kids so much. They were adorable. Every single one of them. They were so sweet and funny and a little snarky considering their ages, but that only added to their character. 

And Ten… He found he really enjoyed spending time with Renjun. He was so like his Papa. He had this dry sense of humour Ten didn't even realise was possible for a five-year-old and he did the exact same dumb 'ha ha ha' laugh Sicheng did. He had picked up so many amazing qualities - all of the ones Ten loved so much - from his father. He was just a tiny Sicheng. And Ten was kind of enamoured with him. 

"Can I go on that?!" Renjun jumped up and down, almost spilling the rest of his hot chocolate as he pointed to a carousel down the street. "Ponies!"

"Yeah… Sure."

Ten smiled softly, taking the now practically empty drink from the boy and throwing it in the trash. It had been all of an hour since Ten picked Renjun up from daycare and he already couldn't say no to him. He felt a little bad that Sicheng had to work so close to Christmas, and he wanted to make up for that in a way. He wanted to spoil him. 

Ten paid the guy at the ride - for the both of them, after Renjun insisted he had to get on the carousel too - before helping him up onto his chosen pony. Her name was Lily Rose and Renjun positively insisted he had to ride her because she was decorated with pink flowers, meaning Ten had to hop on a horse called Annie Mae right next door. 

Ten couldn't help but smile as the ride started up, as he watched Renjun giggle with glee as the pony moved up and down, as he waved at passers by like he was royalty. Kids were so easily amused, always smiling and excited about something or other. Ten missed that. 

Maybe that's why he was so against the idea of growing up. His life only seemed to get more depressing with every year. He was alone. Single and childless. And that seemed to be forcing him apart from his friends. But if things were like this now, then… How bad were they going to get in the future? 

He tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind, because he needed to capture this moment forever. And not just for Sicheng. 

"Wave to Papa, Junnie!"

Ten filmed Renjun on the carousel, twinkling lights of the Christmas market behind him as it began to get a little darker. Sicheng was going to eat this shit up. And Ten was going to save it to his camera roll for a practically shitty day because doing all this fun kid stuff with Renjun actually made him happy. 

Once the ride was up they wandered around the market hand in hand, looking at the goods at the stalls, sampling jams and cheeses, and Ten even bought Renjun a hand blown bauble to put on his and Sicheng's Christmas tree back home. 

It was a really nice day they were having, actually. This babysitting thing wasn't so hard. 

"Why don't you have kids?"

Okay. Maybe not. 

Ten almost choked on his burger.

The two of them were sat outside a little wooden stall chowing down on some much needed food. But it turned out Renjun liked to talk with his mouth full. A lot. 

"I just don't."

"Do you want any?"

Ten swallowed, not wanting to choke again. That… That wasn't something he really thought about. Allowed himself to think about. Ever. 

"No."

_Not anymore_. He couldn't… He couldn't even think about going through that again. 

"Are you married?"

Ten glanced down at his bare ring finger. There was a time when a sparkling stone sat upon it, but-

Never again. 

No one would be stupid enough to marry someone like him.

"Nope."

"Why?"

"I've never… Wanted to marry anyone."

_Another lie._ But Ten wasn't about to pour his heart out to a five-year-old. 

"Why?"

"I've never liked anyone enough."

"Do you like my Papa?"

"What?"

"My Papa. Do you like him?"

"Well…" Ten knew his cheeks were heating up. He hoped to god that wasn't something a child would be able to pick up on. "Yeah. We're friends."

Renjun stuffed a fry in his mouth, thinking about that word. _Friends_. 

"My Papa likes you too."

"Well… That's good…" Renjun was so damn intense it was starting to freak Ten out a bit. 

"He likes playing games with you."

Ten's eyebrows furrowed a little. Games? He and Sicheng didn't...game. 

"Sometimes when I stay at one of my friends' houses, Papa says he had a sleepover with you too!"

Oh god. Those type of games. 

"Do you like having sleepovers with my Papa?"

"Y-Yeah." Ten wasn't sure where this conversation was heading, but he didn't exactly want to discuss his sex life with a five-year-old child. Even if Renjun had no idea what he was actually talking about. 

But the boy just hummed, absorbing everything. 

"Staying at my friends' houses is weird."

"How come?"

"Everyone else has two Papa's. I only have one."

Out of all of their friends Sicheng was the only single parent, and he was doing an amazing job of raising Renjun on his own, but it was clear the boy felt a little left out. He was used to seeing his friends be showered with affection from both of their parents. Donghyuck and Yangyang never had to be picked up by anyone else or go to daycare. They got to stay home with one of their Daddy's. 

It didn't seem fair. 

"Well…" Ten wasn't quite sure how to go about this. It didn't seem like his place. "Your Papa loves you so much you don't need a second one."

Renjun mulled that over for a second. His Papa _did_ love him a whole lot. Renjun just wished he got to see him more when he was off school. He wanted to watch movies and make crafts for the tree and play in the snow with his Papa but he couldn't… because he had to work. 

"Do you think I'll ever have two Papa's?"

Ten's voice got stuck in his throat a little. Jesus Christ this kid asked a lot of questions. 

"Maybe if your Papa finds someone he loves."

Renjun nodded a little, eyes fixed on Ten. He had barely even touched his burger; too busy interrogating his new favourite Uncle. 

What if… What if his Papa had already found someone he loves? 

"How long til I have to go to gymnastics?"

Ten blinked a couple of times; trying to process the fact Renjun seemed to have dropped the subject so suddenly. 

"About an hour. We'll finish these then we'll get on the bus."

Renjun nodded again, taking a bite out of his burger. 

"Cool."

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

"How was your day with Uncle Ten?"

Renjun was all bathed and snuggly in his pyjamas after gymnastics class. Sicheng had popped a casserole in the oven after coming home from work, and the two of them were sat at the dining room table eating. 

"Fun! We had hot chocolate and burgers and saw some reindeer and went on rides!"

Sicheng smiled at his son. He was glad Renjun got to do something more exciting than sitting in a daycare centre. He would absolutely love to take the whole Christmas holidays off and spend it with him, but that just wasn't possible. He was lucky to get Christmas Eve off. 

"Yeah? He sent me a video of you guys on the carousel. That's your fave, right?"

Renjun nodded, a big smile on his face. "I like Uncle Ten! Why doesn't he have kids, though?"

Renjun couldn't seem to get his head around that. 

"Uncle Ten…" How was Sicheng meant to describe this to a five-year-old? Ten had no interest in kids. Never had, probably never would. "He's too busy to have a baby."

"You're always busy! You have me."

"Yeah, but-" Renjun had him there. "He just likes being an Uncle to you and Donghyuck and Yangyang and their baby brother. And the twins too! Not everyone wants to have their own children."

"Why isn't he married?"

Renjun didn't get enough information from his Uncle Ten earlier. 

"I guess he never found the right person."

"If he doesn't have a family… Who does he spend Christmas with?"

Sicheng… Sicheng didn't actually know what Ten did for Christmas. Did he go over to Johnny and Kun's? That seemed like the most logical explanation. They were best friends after all. Sicheng knew he couldn't afford to go home, but… 

"I'm not sure."

"Is he lonely?"

Sicheng couldn't answer that either. It wasn't really something he and Ten spoke about often. 

"I- I don't know, baby."

What was with Renjun's sudden interest in Ten all of a sudden? 

"Why aren't you married?"

Sicheng stopped, fork half way to his lips as the conversation switched direction. 

Renjun had never really questioned the fact Sicheng was a single parent before. He was sure his son thought about it, considering all of his friends had two, but… Sicheng was always going to try to explain things to him one day. He'd just… He'd been putting it off as long as physically possible. 

He didn't really want Renjun to know about his other father. 

"I never found the right person either."

"What about my Mama? ...Or my other Papa?"

Sicheng cleared his throat. This _really_ wasn't something he wanted to get into. Not so close to Christmas. Not… Ever, if he could help it. 

But Renjun was growing up. Of course he was curious. Of course he wanted to know. 

"He just wasn't the right person, baby."

"Why not?"

"He just…" Sicheng sucked a breath in through his teeth. It had been over five years since he'd even had to think about this. "He wasn't very nice."

That was an understatement, but there was no way Sicheng was going to go into detail. Not in front of his child. 

Renjun's father… His biological father. His _sperm donor,_ because that's all he was, really. He would never have anything else to do with Renjun. Sicheng would make sure of that. 

Renjun's father was someone Sicheng prayed he would never have to see again. He was a mistake. The biggest mistake of Sicheng's life, who just happened to give him the best gift he could have asked for. 

Sicheng met him when he was young. Really young. Only nineteen and, well… He was a lot older. Almost thirty. But Sicheng had been flattered when he took an interest. It made him feel mature, like he mattered because this whole adult wanted to be with _him_. It was a huge confidence boost. 

And things stayed that way, for a while. He was happy. He finished university and didn't really have to worry about working his way through it because his partner paid for everything. He really helped Sicheng out. 

At least, that's how Sicheng saw it at the time. Financial aid, someone to take him out and treat him, someone who loved him and worshiped the ground he walked on. Someone who would do anything for him. 

But then things seemed to change. Sicheng kept doing things… Wrong. He'd wear the wrong clothes or he wouldn't dust properly or he'd speak to the wrong person. And Sicheng didn't really understand it- exactly what he _was_ doing wrong. 

He could wear what he wanted, right? And he'd do the housework every day while his boyfriend was out working because Sicheng was assured he'd never have to work a day in his life. He had total financial security, so the least he could do was cook and clean… But sometimes it wouldn't be up to standard, and the money would be thrown back in his face. 

The level of control he had over Sicheng only seemed to increase over the months and years. Soon he barely left the house, definitely not without supervision. He didn't even fight it. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want people to see him with a split lip or a black eye because then they'd ask questions he wasn't sure he could answer. 

He thought things would change when he fell pregnant. He thought that would solve all of their problems because who could possibly be angry at a tiny little baby? And Sicheng would have been the one to give him that baby. Surely that would make up for things, right? 

Wrong. 

That was the last news he wanted, and Sicheng was told to get rid of it. They'd book an appointment and the problem would disappear. 

But… Sicheng didn't want that. He couldn't let someone take his baby from him. 

And that was the final straw. He had been ground down for years. Beaten and belittled, made to think he would never be able to do any better. But he _had to._ He had to seek out a better life than this - an _actual_ life for this tiny little thing growing inside of him. 

It was Renjun who gave him the courage to leave. 

It was Renjun who made him realise that he was better than this. That he was going to be a father and he didn't deserve to be treated like this. 

It was Renjun who gave him the drive to stuff whatever he could get his hands on into a bag and escape at the tender age of twenty-two. 

He fled with absolutely nothing to his name, tears streaming down his face as he sat at the back of a night bus to a city he'd never been to but knew he had family that lived there. He had no idea what he was going to do. How he was going to survive with just a handful og cash he'd taken from his boyfriends - ex-boyfriends - wallet and a couple of valuables he could pawn off? He didn't have a job - he'd _never_ had a job. And now… He was going to have to fend for a baby too? 

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. 

Maybe he should just… go back. At least he had a roof over his head and someone who loved him. 

He shook his head. No. He didn't have that. He _didn't_ have someone who loved him. You didn't lock up and hit and control people you loved. Even if he was going to struggle over the coming years, he was going to have his freedom, at least. 

And his baby. 

His precious little baby. 

"How come?"

Sicheng snapped out of his thoughts as Renjun spoke up. He didn't want Renjun to know about his other father. He didn't deserve to know what he'd come from. 

"He was… mean. That's all you need to know."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know."

"Can I see him?"

"No!" Renjun flinched a little, making Sicheng's heart break. God, he- He shouldn't be taking this out on his son but it has been so long since he had to revisit those memories and- "I'm sorry. I- I'm sorry for shouting just… You don't want to meet him, baby, okay? He's- He's a bad person."

"Will he be on Santa's naughty list?"

Sicheng sniffled, trying his hardest to hold back the tears before nodding. 

"Yeah. He's not very nice and…" Sicheng got out of his chair, kneeling on the ground next to where Renjun was sitting, hands on his son's knees. "You don't need him because you have me and I love you more than anything. You know that, right?"

"Yes, Papa."

"And I'll always love you and protect you because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Renjun nodded, a smile on his face. He had never seen his Papa cry before, but he looked like he was going to. 

"Can I write my Christmas list for Santa?"

Sicheng furrowed his eyebrows a little. It always amazed him how Renjun could change his topic of conversation so quickly. 

"You did that weeks ago, we sent it to the North Pole, remember?"

"But there's something else I want. Can I add it?"

Sicheng's stomach dropped. Something _else?_ He had already bought Renjun a new bike and a whole bunch of toys he had saved up for all year to buy. He was sure he could afford anything else. 

"What is it?"

Renjun shook his head, tiny arms folding across his chest. 

"I can't tell you. Only Santa."

Sicheng sighed. Great. He was going to have to get him to write the damn letter, wasn't he? 

"Okay… I can't promise it'll reach him in time though, Christmas is soon and the North Pole is very far away."

Renjun hummed. He understood, but this was important. He had to at least try to get Santa to help!

"Then...maybe we can go visit him! At the market!"

Sicheng held back a groan. Great. How on earth was he meant to know what Renjun wanted if he wouldn't even write it down? 

"Please, Papa? It's really important!"

Sicheng nodded. He was probably going to regret that when he had to scrape together some money out of nowhere to pay for whatever it was Renjun wanted. But that was his baby. Sicheng would do absolutely anything for him. 

"Sure, baby. How about we go on Wednesday?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated!! pls let me know what u thought ♡  
> if you wanna shout at me abt anything feel free to add me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lowkeyamen) or on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/lowkeyamen/) and i also have a [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/lowkeyamen) if u have any questions!! uwu  
> 


	3. here comes santa claus

Sicheng kept his promise and took Renjun to the Christmas market later that week to go see Santa Claus.

He was a little worried. He had thought he was all prepared for Christmas and he had spent just about all the money he had on Renjun already. He really hoped his son hadn't seen some new hit toy that cost an absolute fortune because he couldn't cope with seeing him disappointed on Christmas Day, but Sicheng wasn't made of money.

"You excited to see Santa again?"

"Yeah! I hope he can get my last Christmas present! But Santa can get anything, right?"

"Yeah..." Sicheng smiled weakly. "Sure."

 _He better not want a fucking iPhone_.

"Next!"

Sicheng stepped forwards, Renjun's hand in his own. It was their turn to go see Santa, for his son to sit on the jolly old man's knee and tell him what he wanted for Christmas... so Sicheng could go buy it.

"Wait." Renjun tugged his hand away. "You can't come in."

"Wh-" How was he meant to know what Renjun wanted if he couldn't come in? "I came in with you last time."

"But this one's a secret! You can't know, Papa!"

"B- I can't let you go in alone." He knew this was Santa, or some guy dressed as Santa, and it was probably totally safe, but... he didn't want to leave his son in a room with a stranger. "I need to go with you."

"Sir?" One of the elves tapped Sicheng on the shoulder, voice low. "There's a camera in the grotto, we have a back room so you can listen in."

Sicheng blinked. Really? They had that? Though, it made sense, safety wise, and kids believed in Santa so strongly they thought he was the one that genuinely brought them their presents so there was no need for their parents to be in the grotto with them, making the whole thing a waste of time from an adult perspective.

"A-And it's safe?"

"Of course. It's a live feed. You'll see and hear everything."

That seemed...fair. Renjun would just be in the next room and Sicheng would be able to see everything.

"Okay, go on then. Tell Santa what you want."

Sicheng shuffled into the back room, heart rate slowing a little as he saw Renjun on the screen, bouncing excitedly at the fact he was in the same room as the Santa Claus.

"Hi Santa! It's Renjun, do you remember me?"

The man dressed as Santa laughed in a stereotypical ho ho ho kinda way before telling Renjun he did. The boy sat on a little stool in front of Santa, kicking his legs a little as he geared up to tell him his big secret.

"And what would you like for Christmas, Renjun?"

"Another Papa."

Sicheng's heart sunk.

 _Fuck_.

"I think my Papa is sad… and I want him to be happy."

Sicheng bit down on his bottom lip. That's what Renjun wanted for Christmas? He thought Sicheng was sad…?

"Well, that's very kind of you. What do you think will make him happy?"

"My Papa said he isn't married because he hasn't found the right person. But I have!"

"Oh?

"My Uncle Ten!"

Sicheng almost keeled over.

What?

"Uncle Ten seems sad too. He has no kids! I want him and my Papa to fall in love and then he can be my Papa too!"

Sicheng watched on in horror as Renjun clapped his little hands together. Ten? Where was this coming from? What had Ten said to him the other day? It's not like... he liked Sicheng or anything, right? Not like that. They fucked occasionally. That was it.

That's what Ten wanted.

Wasn't it?

"Do you think that's what your Papa wants?"

Renjun nodded his head, very matter of factly. He may only be five but he was very sure of himself.

"Papa and Uncle Ten have sleepovers and they like each other a lot!"

"Jesus Christ." Sicheng mumbled under his breath as one of the elves threw him a look. That really wasn't as innocent as it sounded when you were a grown adult.

"Uncle Ten's face goes red when he talks about Papa." Renjun giggled to himself. If anyone could make this happen it was Santa, right? It was his job to give kids what they wanted at Christmas. "I want him to be my Papa too."

Sicheng sighed. He had been so worried about Renjun asking for some ridiculously expensive last minute gift but... this was worse. This was so much worse.

He wanted another parent. He wanted someone else to love him and look after him. He wanted... He wanted his father to be happy.

But Sicheng _was_ happy. He had a stable job and he could provide for his son who was his absolute world. He didn't need anything else.

And he certainly didn't need anyone else.

Sure, it would be nice.

He liked the idea of coming home to someone after a long day at work. He liked the idea of waking up with someone in his arms. He liked the idea of kissing and cuddling and having someone to love him. Of having an adult conversation in his own home. Of Renjun having someone else he could rely on.

But that wasn't going to happen any time soon because Sicheng was terrified of letting anyone else into his life. He vowed he would always put Renjun first and protect him no matter what.

His life was fine the way it was. He didn't need anyone else.

He didn't need Ten.

Because Ten would break his heart. He knew that. The last thing Ten wanted was a relationship or to settle down. And he definitely didn't want kids.

That's why he kept things strictly sexual. It was a way for the two of them to blow off steam without Sicheng risking the life he had built for him and Renjun.

"Okay, I'm just gonna-" Sicheng pushed past the elves, out of the room. This was beyond awkward. He needed to get out of here.

"Baby, come on. Time to go." He pushed the curtain of the grotto aside, ushering Renjun out. He made sure to avoid eye contact with Santa Claus. He couldn't bear the thought of someone pitying him.

"But I'm not done!"

"I think Santa knows what you want by now, right?" The man dressed as Santa agreed. This was just as awkward for him as it was for Sicheng if he was being perfectly honest. "See, so let's go get a crepe or something, yeah?"

Renjun's eyes lit up at that. He loved crepes! And Santa was magic anyway; he knew exactly what Renjun wanted for Christmas. He just hoped he'd get it.

"Bye Santa!" Renjun popped down off of the stool before running to his father and taking his hand.

He couldn't wait to wake up on Christmas morning and see whether he'd gotten the gift he wanted so badly.

  
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Ten lifted his hand to press the bell on the door in front of him before completely chickening out.

This was ridiculous. This was Johnny's house. His best friend for over fifteen years. Why was he being such a pussy about this? He was doing a good deed here, dropping gifts off for the kids.

But… He had been too scared to text Johnny after the whole argument with Mark. And it wasn't a shock that Johnny hadn't texted him first; he was terrible at that. Johnny probably replied to about 40% of Ten's messages, but he was used to it.

What he wasn't used to was Johnny being angry at him, despite the fact he probably had plenty of reason to be in the past. He just usually…wasn't.

But this time Ten had crossed the line, he could see that now he was fully sober and slightly less emotional. And to be perfectly honest, he wasn't even sure whether Johnny was pissed off at him… But the idea he might be terrified him.

And Ten wasn't great at apologies and stuff. At making the first move. He didn't really know what to do in situations like this.

But he was a fucking adult - he may not always act like it, like Mark so graciously pointed out, but he was. And he needed to man the fuck up and give his favourite nephews their Christmas presents. He couldn't punish them because he was a complete idiot.

So he did it. He pressed the doorbell and forced himself to stand there and wait for Johnny or Kun to answer the door because he couldn't just take off down the street. Mainly because that was a completely cowardly thing to do, but also because it was icy as hell and he didn't fancy breaking his neck.

Maybe they weren't in though. That would be nice and convenient. He could just open the side gate to the garden and hide the gifts in there so they wouldn't get ruined and he wouldn't have to beat himself up because at least he tried. It wasn't his fault if they weren't in.

But they were.

And he was now stood face to face with an exhausted looking Kun with a sleepy Chenle held to his chest.

"Ten! Hey- D-Do you wanna come in? The house is a mess, but…" Kun craned his neck to look in the living room. That may be an understatement. Fuck it. Ten was used to it. "Come on."

Ten smiled softly as Kun stepped out of the way. God, why did this feel so fucking awkward?

"I just came to drop the kids presents o-"

"Presents?!" Ten jumped as he heard someone shriek from across the room. Yangyang. Both of Johnny and Kun's five-year-olds were loud as hell, but Yangyang definitely took the prize for first place. "You have presents?!"

Yangyang was across the room with his arms wrapped around Ten's legs within seconds. How the fuck did he move so fast?

"They're for Christmas."

"I thought Santa brought our Christmas presents." Donghyuck appeared out of nowhere, arms folded across his chest. How did Uncle Ten have his presents if they were from Santa?

"Well…" Ten shot Kun a look, having no idea how to answer something like this.

"Santa doesn't have time to deliver all the presents to everyone in the world so he…" Kun shrugged, trying his hardest to come up with something. The kids had gotten way too inquisitive for their own good in the past year. "Gives some to Uncles in advance."

"Yeah! He can't carry this many in his sleigh, so… He dropped some off at my house and I'm-"

"Just dropping them off for Christmas Day."

Ten and Kun held their breath as Donghyuck stared at the two of them, eyes narrowed. Was he going to buy it? Oh please god let him buy it. Ten didn't want to be the one to ruin Santa for the kids on top of everything else.

"So you've met Santa?" Donghyuck eyes widened a little at the thought. "How fluffy is his beard?"

Kun visibly exhaled as Donghyuck bought into their little white lie. They weren't old enough to know the truth, and the idea that Santa existed made things a little easier on Kun and Johnny. It was a great bribe.

"Oh, it's the fluffiest." Ten took a seat as the boys surrounded him, throwing Kun a soft smile. Within seconds he had been passed Chenle to hold as Kun ran upstairs with the gifts while the boys were distracted. "He came to my house and asked if you two have been good. I told him of course they have, so that better be true. I haven't lied to Santa Claus, have I?"

"No!" Yangyang looked up at Ten with those big pleading eyes of his. He had been so good all year! "We've been good I promise!"

"Lele has too! Even though he's just a baby."

"Does he get presents?"

"Of course he does, don't you, cutie?" Ten giggled as Chenle gurgled at him, slightly more awake than he was before. He was so tiny. It was hard to believe that Donghyuck was this little just five years back. Ten could barely remember it. It seemed like a lifetime ago. "You all do. So long as you keep being good for your Dad's up until Christmas."

"We will!"

"Make sure Santa knows we're being good!"

"Have you ever been in his sleigh?"

"Did you get to pet the reindeers?"

"How fat is he?"

"Yangyang! Don't ask that! It's mean he might not bring us presents!"

"Santa likes being fat, he won't mind."

"Well, he does eat a lot of cookies…"

"Baba! Can we make Santa special cookies this year?"

"Sure, if you want." Kun settled himself down on the sofa as he re-entered the room. He was wrecked. Looking after two hyper five-year-olds and a new born baby all day was really taking it out of him. "Go play next door for a while instead of annoying Uncle Ten."

The boys did as they were told, running off because they didn't want Uncle Ten to tell Santa on them. They had no idea Uncles had connections like that! How cool!

"I take it they're excited?"

"You have no idea." Kun sunk down in his seat, glad that Ten had the baby for a while. "I love spending time with them around the holidays, but… Johnny usually deals with all of this while I'm at work. And this is the first time Chenle's stopped crying all day."

"It's because his favourite Uncle is here!" Ten nuzzled his nose against Chenle's. God he was so cute. Almost made Ten want one of his own…

Almost. There was no way he could cope.

"Where is Johnny, anyway?"

"Work. They had some drive crash or something that only he could fix. I dunno, I wasn't really listening." Kun had literally no interest in Johnny's job. It was all computers and systems and codes that made absolutely no sense to him. But Johnny seemed to like it. Fucking nerd. "He won't be home for a few hours."

Ten hummed. That sucked. He missed him. A lot, actually. Which was stupid considering they went way longer than four days without seeing each other now they were all grown up and stuff.

"I was hoping to see him, but I'll not stay that long, don't worry."

"Hey, so long as you hold the baby you can stay as long as you want."

So he did, because he enjoyed Kun's company and helping him cook and he liked playing with the kids and it was much better than going back to his lonely old apartment. Johnny and Kun's house was always so warm and inviting. It may have toys strewn across the floor and piles of laundry waiting to be ironed but it was filled with love.

Something Ten had never really had.

He hung out with the family, dishing up the food Kun had made and Ten had taste tested ready for Johnny coming home.

And it wasn't long before he did.

"Teddy bear! I'm h-" Johnny froze in his tracks, coat shrugged off of his shoulders once he realised who was setting the dining table. And it wasn't his husband.

"Teddy bear?" Ten raised an eyebrow. Oh, Johnny was never going to hear the end of this.

"Grizzly!" Kun shot out of the kitchen, pasta sauce on his shirt as he ran to Johnny, throwing his arms around the elder. "I missed you. Your kids are so annoying."

Johnny patted his husband on the back, knowing just how hyperactive the boys could be at this time of year. He shot Ten a look at the same time, as Kun's face was buried in his chest so he couldn't see anything.

"Dinner won't be long though!"

Ten watched on as Kun flounced back into the kitchen, eyebrows raised.

"Shut up."

"Hey." Ten held his hands up as Johnny glared at him. "I haven't said a word… Grizzly."

Johnny rolled his eyes. Great. Now he had that to deal with.

"What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Just dropping the kids presents off. I wanted to see them before Christmas."

"You normally bring them over on Christmas Eve."

"I'm… Not gonna be here. I'm going away for Christmas."

"Home?"

Ten shook his head, he wished. He couldn't afford it, though. And he was back at work on the 27th. It wouldn't be worth the jetlag.

"Just a hotel somewhere. Wanted to treat myself. Get away from everything."

Johnny nodded, taking a seat at the dining table. His suspicions from the other night were valid, there was definitely something going on with Ten. He just couldn't quite figure out what it was. Getting so drunk and arguing with Mark. Storming out and going off with Sicheng despite the fact he'd been avoiding him all night. He was curious about that, actually. How was Sicheng of all people the one to convince Ten to call it a night?

"What happened the other night? Sicheng said he was taking you home."

Ten nodded. Because that was exactly what happened.

"He did. We went back to his."

Johnny raised his eyebrows. Oh. That was how Sicheng got Ten to leave. Sex.

"Nothing happened," Ten stopped Johnny in his tracks, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "We drank. I fell off a chair and then he put me to bed."

"I bet he did."

"And then he slept on the sofa, okay? Nothing happened."

Johnny's eyes scanned over his best friend, as Ten picked at the skin around his thumb. He always seemed so much more subdued when Sicheng was mentioned.

"So, I take it you didn't talk about what happened?"

"I told you, there's nothing to talk about."

"Sex ruins friendships. You two are so weird around each other now. And just because of one night?"

"It wasn't just one night though, was it?"

"What?"

Ten groaned, running his hands down his face. He didn't want to tell Johnny, but at the same time he did. Johnny was his best friend. He should be able to talk to him about anything, right?

"We've been sleeping together...a lot. Since Yuta's party."

A lot? Ten didn't sleep with people a lot. He didn't like to go back for seconds never mind thirds because that's when things got messy. When feelings began to emerge. It was so much easier just to have a one night stand and cut the guy off the next morning.

So… Why wasn't it like that with Sicheng? Because they were friends beforehand? Or because there was something more going on here?

"You like him, don't you?"

Johnny knew Ten better than anyone. Probably better than Ten even knew himself. But it had been a long time since he'd seen him like this. Hell, he couldn't even remember how long it had been since Ten was in a relationship nor had actual feelings beyond lust for someone. It would have been in university.

Ten had been absolutely besotted with his boyfriend at the time. Head over heels in love with him. They had planned their future. Planned to move in together and get married and have kids. They were going to spend the rest of their lives together. That was the plan.

But things didn't always go to plan.

After meeting in their first year, falling in love and graduating, ready to get on with the rest of their lives. The very day they were going to pick up the keys for their new apartment Ten's world fell apart.

Johnny could still remember the phone call.

He could barely make out a word Ten was saying between the sobbing. And it wasn't just any sobbing. Not like he'd called Johnny in the middle of the night drunk, blubbering on about how much he loved him.

He had never heard Ten like this before. Never heard such anguish in his voice. He could barely get his words out.

But the ones he could shook Johnny to the core.

 _He's dead_.

Johnny drove across the city to the hospital to be there for his best friend of almost a decade. He and Ten had come to this country to study, for a better life than they could have back in America. And it just so happened they had both found love at university. Johnny had already moved in with his partner and now-

Now Ten would never get the chance to.

"It was a car crash." Ten's voice was so tiny, so...fragile. It was something Johnny wasn't used to.

Johnny later found out that it was a drunk driver veering onto the wrong side of the road and crashing straight into the driver's side door. They took off straight after.

"They just left him. So- Someone called an ambulance, but-"

But it was too late. He didn't even make it to the hospital.

Johnny had no idea what to say. How could he? Ten had just lost the love of his life in the most horrific way and… Johnny wanted to comfort him more than anything but he didn't know how.

"Do you want to stay at mine tonight?"

Ten couldn't even look up. He had this brand new apartment key in his hand- their apartment key. He had been waiting- Waiting for him to get to the estate agents office so they could finally-

But now they never would.

They'd never move in together.

They'd never get married.

They knew it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, they couldn't afford a wedding just yet, but they had talked about it. A lot. Ten even had the ring to prove it. It was only a cheap one, something temporary as a symbol of their love until they could afford something nicer.

Because he had always said Ten deserved only the best.

But this was all he was ever going to have.

No big white wedding declaring their love for one another in front of all of their friends.

No husband to come home to at night.

No one to tell him he meant everything to them.

No kids.

Or at least-

"I'm pregnant."

Johnny's heart stopped beating as Ten whispered into his chest. They had been lying in his bed in the dark for the past three hours. He had let Ten cry his heart out, assuming the fact his best friend had stopped shaking meant he was asleep.

But he wasn't.

He just had no tears left to cry.

"H-How far along?"

Ten sniffled, eyes burning. They hadn't told anyone. They weren't ready to tell anyone. It seemed too soon, and Ten was superstitious. He didn't want anything to jinx this, but- It seemed a little too late for that.

"Eleven weeks."

"Jesus…" Johnny had no idea what to say to that either. Ten was only twenty-two, and now he was by himself.

"I can't do this on my own."

"You don't have to, I'll help." Johnny wrapped his arms tighter around Ten as he began to sob again. "Anything you need me to- I'll help."

But Ten shook his head. He couldn't ask Johnny to do that. He had his own life. He had just landed his dream job and he was getting married soon. Ten couldn't ruin Johnny's life too.

"No. I can't do it. At all."

Johnny knew that to this day that was Ten's biggest regret. He may act like he loved being a free agent that would never dream of being tied down with kids, but Johnny knew him better than that. Better than anyone.

Because he was the only one that knew.

Ten had never told anyone else. Not Taeyong. Not Yuta. Not Jaehyun. And Johnny had been sworn to secrecy. He'd never even told Kun.

No one else knew the full extent of what Ten had went through. They knew he had lost his fiancé; most of them, anyway. Johnny honestly wasn't sure how many of their newer friends he had told. He was sure Dejun and Kunhang didn't know. He wasn't even sure Taeil and Jungwoo knew. Or… Sicheng.

But no one apart from Johnny knew Ten had lost his baby too.

"Ten…" Johnny tried after Ten stayed silent. "It's okay. You're allowed to have feelings."

"I just feel… guilty."

"Hey." Johnny leaned forwards, voice low. "It's been almost six years. You know he'd want you to move on."

Six years? Had it really been that long? Ten couldn't really tell anymore. Sometimes it was so fresh in his mind it was like it only happened yesterday, the pain was so raw it was like- Like everything had been ripped away from him all over again. But other days he was completely numb to it. Like it hadn't actually happened, it was just a weird dream he had. But then he'd go home and his apartment - what was meant to be their home - was empty. It felt cold and unlived in while he had been at work. He wasn't greeted with the smell of home cooking or the sound of children's laughter. It was just...empty.

It reflected how he felt, in a way.

He had filled the years with partying and mindless sex because those were the only thing that could get his mind off of it, even just for a little while.

He had never once allowed himself to even consider falling for anyone else. Terrified it wouldn't work out - that something awful would happen again. There was that, and the guilt. He wasn't even sure he wanted to move on. He had already met the love of his life and he had promised he'd always love him.

He couldn't break that promise just because he was... dead.

"It makes no difference. He doesn't feel the same." Ten sighed sitting back in his chair. Trust him to finally find someone he liked - after five and a half years of being on his own - and that person was only bothered about sex. He only had himself to blame, really. He'd made out that was all he was interested in since the day he had met Sicheng. "Plus, he has Renjun. I don't think I could-"

Johnny hummed as Ten seemed to choke on his words, signifying he knew what he meant. That he didn't have to say it aloud.

"Then maybe you should stop going home with him. It's clearly affecting you."

Ten nodded. He knew that. He really did. But... It was all he had right now. It was the closest thing he'd had in almost six years to love and affection. He could at least pretend that Sicheng meant it when he kissed him. He could pretend that they were making love. And sure, it was absolutely pathetic. But it was better than nothing.

And it was probably the best he was going to get.

Mark was right.

No one wanted him. No one would ever love him.

Not like he had.

"Maybe you should... Try dating again. Put yourself out there."

"Yeah, maybe." Ten whispered, knowing fine well he was not going to do that. He couldn't think of anything worse.

Johnny reached across the table, fingers linking with his best friends.

"You deserve to be happy, Ten."

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

"Renjun!"

Renjun stopped in his tracks, a packet of cookies in his hands, millimetres away from dropping into the basket in his father's hand. Dammit! Renjun thought he wasn't looking.

"Papa! Please!" He whined, hugging the cookies to his chest. He really wanted them!

Sicheng narrowed his eyes a little, before sighing and completely giving in.

"Fine. But you can have one after dinner."

Renjun squeaked with delight as he popped the biscuits in the basket.

Sicheng had always had a hard job saying no to Renjun. He tended to spoil him to make up for the fact he didn't have another parental figure in his life. Renjun was Sicheng's world and he wanted to make sure his son always knew that. Even if it was only a packet of cookies.

"Uncle Ten!"

Sicheng's ears burned. Ten? Ten was here. He placed the box of porridge oats he had been mulling over down and turned around.

Yeah.

Ten was definitely here.

And he was crouched down on the floor talking to Renjun.

Sicheng hadn't been able to get Ten off of his mind since he took Renjun to see Santa Claus the other day. He had been going over and over every interaction they'd had recently. Every time they slept together. That night Ten had stayed over.

He was trying to figure out whether what Renjun had said held any weight. Whether Ten...liked him.

And he was beginning to think maybe it was true.

Ten's eyes always lingered on him a little longer than most people's did. He had always just put it down to Ten being super sultry or whatever. Pure lust. But now he wasn't so sure. He always kissed Sicheng so softly despite the positions they were usually in. And he- He did go red. All the time.

What if Ten really did like him?

"Papa! Can Uncle Ten have dinner with us?"

Sicheng spluttered, that was probably the last thing he wanted considering what was currently on his mind.

But, again, he could never say no to Renjun.

"Oh, you really don't have to." Ten stood up straight, eyes flickering up to meet Sicheng's just for a second, before averting his gaze. His cheeks were flushed.

Fuck.

"Papa!"

Sicheng was fairly sure Ten would refuse, so he might as well ask. It would keep Renjun off of his case.

"I do owe you, for the other day." He had promised he'd pay Ten back, after all. "We're having hot pot. There would be more than enough."

"Please Uncle Ten!" Renjun tugged ah Ten's coat, those puppy dog eyes staring up at him. God- How could he say no? He couldn't break Renjun's heart like that, even if having dinner with the guy he was totally falling for would break his.

"Okay, sure." Ten smiled weakly. "I'd like that."

And that's how Sicheng found himself watching over Ten and Renjun drawing with crayons as he chopped vegetables for their hot pot.

It was...nice; being able to cook without Renjun whining at him for attention. Sicheng knew he was a good father and that he could cope alone - he had done for the past five years. But he wished he could give Renjun a little more of the attention he deserved. It was just so hard when he had a million and one other things on his plate too.

"Do you need any help?"

Sicheng jumped a little as Ten appeared from nowhere. Wasn't he just...?

"I'm okay, thanks. I think Renjun's enjoying colouring with you."

Honestly, Sicheng just needed some space.

Even if it wouldn't last long, because somehow Sicheng managed to prepare dinner in record time, despite the fact that tonight of all nights he probably could have done with the extra time in the kitchen.

Sicheng could barely even eat. He had been looking forward to this all day, but… Now he couldn't stomach it. Not with all these thoughts flying around his head. He was so confused. He had never even really thought about Ten in that way, because he never allowed himself to think of anyone in that way. But now… The fact that Ten might like him was making him realise things.

Like how much he liked Ten's laugh. It was so cute, if not a little mischievous. He always had something up his sleeve. He was quick witted and never failed to make people around him smile.

Sicheng liked that. A lot.

He liked that Ten was like a magnet; he always had a group of people orbiting him because his personality was so damn infectious.

And Sicheng was definitely one of the people that was drawn to him. He had enjoyed spending time with the elder since they had met, but maybe he was drawn to him in a different way to what he originally thought.

Because the fact Ten was sat at his dining table right now, eating his cooking, teaching his son how to use his chopsticks.

That made his stomach flutter in a way he hadn't felt for a very long time.

And he really wasn't sure how that made him feel.

"You don't have to help you know. You're my guest."

"I don't mind."

Renjun was watching one of his shows in the living room, and as much as Ten was enjoying spending time with him, he didn't fancy watching Peppa Pig again. Plus, Sicheng had just made an entire meal for him. Helping clear up was the least he could do.

So the two of them washed the dishes in near silence. You'd think it would be awkward, but...it wasn't. At least Sicheng didn't think so. It was kind of nice, having someone here to help him, to keep him company. He'd never had anything like that before.

"I finally got him down." Sicheng sighed as he slumped down on the sofa. Renjun had insisted Uncle Ten stay and watch a Christmas movie after they were done eating. Sicheng was pretty sure it was all part of his sons plan to get the two of them together, but he went along with it. Renjun seemed too happy when Ten was around. "Wine me."

Ten chuckled under his breath as Sicheng held his glass out. The two of them had been waiting until Renjun was tucked up in bed before opening the wine Ten had brought with him.

They talked, just generally. Neither of them wanting to bring up what had happened the other night, or any nights previous. It was easier not to talk about it; the two of them being absolutely terrible at communicating. But conversation had always flowed naturally between the two of them, considering they never went into anything that may be deemed even vaguely serious.

"Renjun kept asking about why you didn't have kids the other day." Sicheng snorted. They had finished Ten's wine by this point, moving onto another bottle Sicheng had in the fridge.

"What did you tell him?"

"That you never wanted them. Kids aren't really your thing."

Ten hummed, eyes unfocusing a little as he stared at his pinot grigio. It had been so long since thought about...that. But now that everything had been dredged up it was at the forefront of his mind. It was all he could think about. And considering he was half a bottle of wine deep he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep everything suppressed as well as he usually could.

"That's not true. I used to want to be a primary school teacher."

"Oh really?" Sicheng's eyebrows shot up. He hadn't expected that. Ten worked in a publishing firm, Sicheng wondered at what point he changed his mind. How did someone go from wanting to inspire young minds with bright colours and fun games to set them up for the future compared to sitting in an office reading something over and over to ensure it was perfect? The two seemed worlds apart. "I never knew that. How did you end up in editing?"

Ten merely shrugged.

"Things changed." He took a sip of his wine. Maybe… Maybe opening up to Sicheng wouldn't be such a bad thing. He was kind of sick of everyone thinking he was this anti-child singleton hell bent on being alone forever. Because it wasn't true. It was just the part he had played for so long, but- He wasn't sure he wanted that anymore. "I used to want kids. Two. Had their names picked out and everything."

Sicheng hadn't seen that coming. Ten was great with all of their kids but he always said he liked that he could give them back. He'd never once indicated he wanted his own.

"What changed your mind?"

"I lost the person I wanted to have kids with."

Sicheng's chest tightened in a way that made him shift a little in his seat. He had never heard Ten's voice laced with such sadness before. He didn't even know Ten had been with anyone in the past. He had obviously assumed Ten had a boyfriend here and there, but nothing had ever led him to believe he'd been in a serious relationship.

Ten had been single and not at all on the market in the four years Sicheng had known him.

And he wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

But he didn't have to, because the alcohol has most definitely loosened Ten's lips and before Sicheng knew it the elder was sobbing into his shirt, wine glass clutched to his chest, and all Sicheng could do was hold him. Because he had no idea.

He and Ten had been friends for four years - granted, they weren't best friends or anything, but they were definitely friends - and Sicheng had no idea what Ten had went through when he was younger. The fact the man he was planning on marrying was killed in a tragic hit and run. The fact Ten's apartment was the one they had bought together. He couldn't afford to back out of the rent agreement, he'd lose their deposit. So he just had to live there. And he'd never left, because it was the last thing they had together.

Especially after he decided to have a termination.

That was Ten's biggest regret. Ever.

He could have had this little baby that was half and him and half of- He could have had a five year old, just like Renjun, that he loved more than anything in the world.

But he threw that all away because he was scared. He didn't think he could do it at the time and now- Well, there was no going back, was there? He'd missed his chance.

Sicheng had always thought Ten had no interest in relationships because he didn't want to get tied down. And he definitely didn't think Ten wanted kids for the exact same reason. He enjoyed partying and having fun and he wasn't about to let some man or baby ruin that.

But he was wrong. He had been so wrong.

Ten was...damaged. Way more damaged than Sicheng had ever imagined he'd be. He was terrified of falling for anyone else because he might lose them too.

And although Sicheng's story was totally different; he got that. Because relationships terrified him too.

"Sorry." Ten sniffled as he pulled back. God this was embarrassing. "I'm ruining the Christmas vibes."

"Don't be. I'm glad you're opening up to me."

Ten's ears burned red as Sicheng's fingers tangled with his own.

"You probably think I'm an asshole. After what I did."

Sicheng knew Ten was talking about the abortion. He hadn't actually said the word aloud once. He couldn't imagine how Ten had carried this around with him for so long.

"I don't. Trust me. I-" Sicheng let out a shaky breath. No one knew this. Not even Jaehyun, and Sicheng considered Jaehyun his best friend. "I considered it too."

"With Renjun?"

Sicheng nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. He hated thinking about that - the fact he almost got rid of his son. The literal light of his life. But he almost did.

"I was scared. I was on my own and-" Ten didn't actually know anything about Renjun's other father. It was a topic Sicheng avoided like the plague. "I was worried I wouldn't be able to look after him. I could barely look after myself. I didn't have a job or anywhere to live and I-"

Ten had opened up to him tonight. It would be nice to be able to talk to someone instead of bottling everything up for a change.

"He used to hit me. Renjun's father."

Ten breathed out an 'oh my god'. That was. Awful. Fucking awful.

"I never had the courage to leave; until I found out I was pregnant." Sicheng's voice was shaky. He hadn't thought about this for so long. "I couldn't do it for myself, but I had to for him. That's how I ended up here."

Ten honestly didn't know much about Sicheng's past, and it was never something that had even crossed his mind until now. He knew Sicheng had lived here since Renjun was born and that was about it.

"But even then I wondered whether I could keep him. I didn't have anything, how was I meant to look after a baby too?" Sicheng hated himself for even thinking that way back then, because he would not trade Renjun for the world now. But he was just a kid, rally. He was scared. "But then I saw the scan and I- I had to have him."

Sicheng genuinely felt like Renjun had saved his life. If it wasn't for his son, god knows what would have happened to him. Would he still be stuck there? Would he even be alive?

Ten's eyes glazed over as Sicheng beamed, despite the fact he was holding back the tears himself.

"Our... My baby would have been Renjun's age by now. I never saw the scans or anything because i-it was too soon and then- I just couldn't do it. But I had a feeling she was a girl. I was gonna name her after my sister. I always wonder how different my life would be if I had kept her and-" Ten was on the verge of breaking down again. He had barely even spoken this candidly with Johnny. His best friend knew he had his regrets about terminating the pregnancy, but Ten wasn't sure he quite knew to watch extent. "God I bet he hates me. Wherever he is, I hope shes with her dad, but- They must both fucking hate me for what I did to her."

"Hey." Sicheng rubbed Ten's shoulder, before pulling him back into his chest. "Don't think like that. You were in a lot of pain, it was an impossible situation. You'd just had everything ripped away from you and you weren't ready to cope with bringing someone else into the world. No one could be angry with you for that."

Sicheng was right. Some logical part of his brain knew that, it was just difficult. He had been so hard on himself for all of these years.

"Thanks." Ten whispered as he emerged from Sicheng's chest a second time. Maybe he should have talked about this earlier. Maybe having someone to listen and to tell him he wasn't a totally awful human being was what he needed all these years. Maybe he wouldn't have spent so long self-sabotaging himself and could have moved on with his life.

Maybe he could finally start doing that.

And maybe it could- Sicheng was so close. And the way he was staring at him, eyes dark and wet. It was like he could see straight through him. He could see all of Ten's insecurities and… He almost made him feel better about them. Like when he was this close to Sicheng everything just went away.

All Ten had to was lean in a little and-

No. He couldn't. He couldn't ruin everything. They were having such a nice night. Well, maybe nice wasn't the word, Ten had bawled his eyes out and Sicheng was close. But they were bonding. They were opening up and maybe they could help each other recover.

Ten couldn't ruin that by kissing him. He may have a new support system in Sicheng. He couldn't throw that away just for a quick ki-

But he didn't have to.

Because Sicheng beat him to it.

Ten's eyes shot wide open as lips pressed up against his.

Wh- What the fuck was happening?

He honestly had no idea but he went along with it because kissing Sicheng was one of his favourite things in the world, and it wasn't often Sicheng kissed him so… tenderly.

Their kisses were usually passionate. Lust filled. Tongues and biting as they scrambled to get one another's clothes off.

But this was nothing like that. Sicheng's hand was cupping Ten's face ever so gently, his lips moving against the elders. Slowly. Lovingly? It felt kind of loving. But maybe Ten was just being hopeful.

Sicheng pushed forwards a little, his tongue slipping into Ten's mouth. And Ten let it happen. Of course he did. He was emotional and desperate for human contact, to be loved. And Sicheng was the only person he had wanted to be loved by in a very long time.

He wanted anything Sicheng was willing to give him.

Ten spread his legs instinctively as Sicheng leaned in even further, practically on top of him. He needed more. He needed to closeness. He needed Sicheng pressed up against him.

So he let himself fall back against the arm of the sofa, an open invitation for Sicheng to crawl on top of him. An open invitation Sicheng gladly took.

Because Ten wasn't the only one that needed this. Sicheng had been on his own for so long now he hadn't even realised how much he needed someone else until Renjun brought it up in front of Santa. He was lonely. Really lonely.

"Sicheng." Ten whispered against his lips, fingers tangling in sandy blonde hair, pulling Sicheng impossibly close. He didn't want to let go, didn't want to give him the opportunity to slip through Ten's fingers. Because this might be a huge mistake he was making, one that would hurt him in the long run, but it was Christmas. And he deserved this. Just for tonight.

He whimpered as Sicheng rutted down against him. God yes. Ten was in heaven. Sicheng always managed to make him feel so fucking good. There was nothing like sex with someone you loved - even if they didn't feel the same. Ten could allow himself to get lost in the fantasy because what else did he have? He was going to spend all of Christmas alone so he might as well let himself have this one little thing.

And he really let himself lose it. He fully gave into Sicheng; kisses growing ever more feverish, hands becoming just that little more adventurous as they both got more carried away. As they got swept up in the passion. As they became more and more desperate for one another's touch.

Maybe he let himself get a little carried away, but every time Sicheng whispered his name it sent a chill up his spine and made his skin burn, so how couldn't he? His head was spinning; completely intoxicated by this man he was completely and utterly besotted with.

So maybe he got a little too carried away, because he seemed to lose all control of his tongue and hadn't realised those three words had slipped past his lips until Sicheng was pulling away, leaving Ten confused and a little cold at the lack of body warmth.

"You…What?"

Ten's eyebrows furrowed. He hadn't said anything. Had he?

"Do you mean that? Do you...love me?"

All of the blood drained from Ten's face. He- He hadn't said that had he?

Fuck.

"I-"

Oh god Sicheng was going to hate him. He was going to think he was absolutely insane because they had never even done anything vaguely romantic, never mind- This.

Sicheng didn't see him like that. He didn't want to be with Ten. He just wanted to get off, and Ten was usually there to help him out with that.

Because he was pathetic.

And that was the closest thing to love he was ever going to get.

But he never wanted Sicheng to know that. He never wanted to ruin whatever this was they had, because it was better than nothing.

And that's what he was going to be left with.

Because there was no way Sicheng was going to want anything to do with him after this.

"I need to go." Ten tried to scramble out from underneath Sicheng, because running from his problems was what he did best. He didn't want to have to explain himself. He didn't want to go through the embarrassment of yelling Sicheng how he truly felt just to be shot down.

He'd rather just leave and avoid the situation. Maybe forever.

"Ten, wait- Please stay-"

"Don't." Ten whispered as Sicheng's fingers looped around his wrist. He couldn't even look at him, but maybe he should have, because he would have seen how damp Sicheng's eyes were. How badly he wanted Ten to stay. "I can't-"

Ten's breath was shallow. He needed to get out of here. He'd cried and made a fool of himself enough this evening.

"I can't do this."

Sicheng couldn't do anything but slump back against the arm of the sofa as Ten disappeared out of the door. He was… frozen stiff.

Did Ten really mean that?

Did he love Sicheng?

No one had said that to him since… Well, apart from Renjun. But that was different. No one had been in love with him for a very long time.

What was he meant to say? To do? He wasn't used to any of this.

"Fuck." He hissed under his breath as he punched a number into his phone. He needed to sort this.

"Hey, I know it's late and I'm so sorry, but can you come watch Renjun for a while? It's an emergency."


	4. love, actually

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone 🎄💖 I promised this fic would have a happy ending so here it is!!

Ten was done. Completely. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. He couldn't keep living like this. 

He just wanted a normal life. He was sick of pretending he didn't need anyone. Sick of pretending he didn't want someone to love him. Sick of pretending he didn't want a family. 

Because he wanted all of those things. 

He wanted someone to come home to after a long day at work. Someone to talk to and vent to if needs be. Someone he could cuddle up with for a movie and a gin and tonic to unwind after dealing with his asshole boss all day. 

He wanted someone to cook with because eating alone was getting really boring. He didn't even bother most days; it was easier just to bang a frozen meal in the microwave. He wanted someone to feed and share recipes with. Someone to actually sit down with, a couple of candles in the middle of the table. Someone to spoil. Someone to spoil him. 

He wanted someone whose arms he could fall asleep in at night and someone he could wake up with. He wanted someone to keep him warm and scatter kisses across his face as he drifted off to sleep. Someone to tell his most ridiculous dreams to as soon as he woke up the next morning. 

He just wanted _someone._ Someone to love him, and someone he loved back. 

And it was becoming very clear that person would never be Sicheng. He should really stop kidding himself. Stop putting him through the pain and the heartache. 

But being stuck on his own all of the time was getting old. Especially considering his friends were all too busy with their own families to hang out with him all the time. 

Maybe he should just give in and sign up for one of those dating sites. How else was he meant to meet people? He didn't know how. It had been almost a decade since he'd even tried. 

Ten opened his laptop, loading up a new google search page, not to sign up for a dating site. It was two days before Christmas, that could wait til the new year. 

No, he was looking for something else. 

Flights. 

Fuck it. He was going home. 

He couldn't really afford it, but that's what credit cards were for, right? And he could just skip work for a couple of days. It was Christmas, it's not like they really needed him. The place would be dead. He already had that hotel room booked but- He would still be on his own. Just in a four poster bed. He could totally cancel it, right? He would much rather be with his family. 

He was going to go home this year. 

Because what was keeping him here? 

His eyes stung a little as he scrolled through a comparison site. Who the fuck knew flights to Thailand leaving on Christmas Eve would be so expensive? He couldn't imagine many people making the same trip, but apparently he was wrong. 

Oh well, there went his money until his birthday... 

He got up to try and find his credit card. He tried not to use it very often so he tended to hide it - except when it came to him actually needing to use it, he could never remember where it was. 

But in a way that turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because the doorbell rang, stopping Ten from making the biggest mistake of his life. And not only financially. 

He didn't know it at this point; he was just pissy someone had decided to disturb him. Who the fuck could it be? Who on earth would show up at his house at 10pm on the 23rd of December? He had resigned himself to being on his own and now- He should really answer. This could be the last time he saw any of his friends. 

Or it could just be some annoying carollers. 

But the second Ten opened the door his heart leapt into his throat. Because who was on his doorstep? None other than dong Sicheng. 

Really?

Why the fuck was he here? Had he come to embarrass Ten even more? To really stick the knife in and make sure Ten knew there was absolutely no hope of anything beyond a quick fuck happening between them?

Because he really wasn't sure he could cope with that right now. 

"Oh thank god." Sicheng looked...like he'd run here, breath visible in little clouds as it hit the ice cold December air. "I thought I'd never find you."

Ten's eyebrows furrows. What was Sicheng talking about? He'd literally been here since he ran out on him. 

"I forgot which house was yours and I've- I've literally knocked on every door on this side of the street." Sicheng laughed under his breath. The amount of dirty looks he had gotten disturbing people at this time of night… 

He didn't care, though. This was important. 

"But I found you. Finally."

Ten was frozen stiff. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know why Sicheng was here but he was smiling and god it fucking melted his heart, but… He couldn't let himself get his hopes up. Not again. 

"Why, though?"

"I- I was wondering if you'd like to spend Christmas with us."

Ten's mouth hung open in shock. Was- Was Sicheng taking the piss? 

"Are you taking the piss?"

"It would really make Renjun's day if you did."

Ten couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sicheng _knew_ how he felt now. He had blurted those three words out and he knew that Ten was fucking in love with him. And now he was going to turn up here, not even address the matter and then invited Ten over for Christmas? Because _his son_ would like that? 

"I'm not being funny, Sicheng," Ten bit back, emotions already bubbling to the surface, "but he's your kid, not mine. It's not really my job to make him happy on Christmas."

Sicheng swallowed. Maybe he had come at this from the wrong angle. He was trying to be cute, but… Ten clearly wasn't in the mood. 

What if he was just sincere instead?

What if he put himself out there for once? What if he put his past behind him and proved his ex wrong? Still to this day Sicheng believed those words, he genuinely believed that no one would ever love him. 

But what if Ten actually did?

"Well, maybe it would make my day too."

Ten's stomach twisted. 

Did- Did Sicheng actually just day that?

The _wanted_ Ten to spend Christmas with him and his son?

"B- Why?"

"Did you mean what you said before?"

Ten's entire face burned, and it wasn't just because it was minus two outside. Part of him had hoped that had all been some terrible paranoid delusion. But no. He has said it. And Sicheng has heard. 

"Because… No one's ever said that to me before. Not since-" Sicheng cleared his throat, not wanting to get choked up again. Ten knew what he meant. It had barely been an hour since they had opened up to one another. "No one _good_ has ever said that to me before. And I never… thought anyone would."

Ten couldn't believe he had never realised how insecure Sicheng was before tonight. He hid it well. Probably for his son's sake. But it absolutely killed him, the very idea that _anyone_ could do that to him. That someone could knock his confidence that much and make him feel like he was worthless. 

Because Sicheng was anything but. 

"I did." Ten whispered the words so quietly he barely heard them himself, yet Sicheng somehow managed to, eyes filling up. "And I'm sorry, because I know it's weird because we- It probably came out of nowhere and I get if you're freaked out and-"

"Yeah." Sicheng admitted. No matter how he himself felt about Ten, no matter what Renjun had said to Santa Claus, he never in a million years thought that Ten's own feelings ran that deep. He still found it a little hard to believe. But he knew Ten would never say something like that unless he really meant it. Not after everything he had been through. "I wasn't expecting it, and I'm sorry if I made you feel…rejected, or anything. I just never thought- I'd really hear those words again."

Ten's heart broke every time Sicheng mentioned the fact he thought he was totally unlovable. He just wanted to hold him, to kiss him and tell him everything was going to be okay. That he _was_ loved. 

But he didn't. Because he had no idea where this conversation was actually going. 

"I don't… I don't know if I'm _there_ yet, but I-" Sicheng took Ten's hands in his own, making the elder flinch a little. 

"Fucking hell you're freezing."

"I've literally been knocking on doors for like forty minutes." Sicheng laughed. He hoped maybe Ten would find that romantic or whatever. "I'm not ready to say those words yet, but I think that one day, I will be."

Ten's eyes widened, grip tightening around Sicheng's ice cold fingers. Was he- Was he saying what Ten thought he was?

"I wish I had realised it earlier, and if it wasn't for my kid and a trip to see Santa Claus maybe I never would have because clearly I'm a complete idiot." Sicheng laughed again, cheeks flushing. God this was going terribly. Why couldn't he just get his words out? "But I like you. A lot. And if you'd like maybe we could…Go on a date or something?"

A wide smile cracked onto Ten's face. Was this actually happening? Had he slipped on the ice on his way home and smashed his head open? Had he drank himself into oblivion when he got back and passed out? 

Or was this real?

Because it felt real. He wasn't sure he would be able to feel Sicheng's cold fingers in his own or count every single one of his eyelashes if this was a drunken and/or concussed illusion.

He was pretty sure it was real. 

"A date?" Ten quirked an eyebrow, his flirtatious nature making itself known. He couldn't help himself. "Don't you think we're past that?"

Sicheng shrugged. Probably. They had known one another for years and, well, they'd been sleeping together the past couple of months. But tonight had proven he had so much more to learn about Ten. And what better way to do that than over a romantic meal? 

"Maybe. I'd still like to take you out sometime, though." Sicheng swung their intertwined hands ever so softly. "Plus, Renjun would never forgive me if we didn't have a first date story to tell him over and over when he's older."

Ten's stomach fluttered as tears stung at the back of his eyes. T-To tell Renjun? That indicated this was really going somewhere. It wasn't just something Sicheng was doing because it was Christmas; to be nice or whatever. 

He wanted Ten to be in his son's life too. 

For good. 

"He might have realised I like you before I did myself."

Ten gave up on holding the tears back, wiping his face with his sleeve before re-joining his hands with Sicheng's, not wanting to miss out on a single second. 

"He's a smart kid."

"Smarter than his Papa."

It seemed a little ridiculous that a five-year-old had worked this out before a couple of fully grown adults had managed to. He and Sicheng weren't the best at communicating, Ten knew that. But hopefully that would change. They understood why they were both so hesitant when it came to relationships or feelings now. They could finally move on with their lives and help each other heal. 

Ten could finally remember what it was like to be loved by someone. And maybe… Maybe even get the family he'd always secretly dreamed of. 

"I would love to go on a date with you."

Ten couldn't hold back any longer. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sicheng's lips. One that was much softer than they had ever shared before, more that meant so much more. Maybe they could class this as their first kiss, not that night in Yuta and Taeyong's bathroom. 

This was their first real kiss. And Ten knew it was cheesy, but despite the fact it was a freezing cold December night, he actually felt kind of warm. 

"But we better get Christmas out of the way first, huh?"

Sicheng nodded, that big boxy grin on his face Ten loved so much, eyes a little watery. God. He was fucking beautiful. Even with a bright red nose. 

"Christmas is a little crazy with us. Think you're up for it?"

Ten looped his arms around Sicheng's shoulders, reaching up on his toes a little so he could pull himself in as close as possible. 

"I've never been more up for anything in my life."

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Ten awoke two days later when Renjun burst into Sicheng's room screaming, his favourite fox plushie in hand.

"Papa! Papa! Santa's been!"

Now, in the past Ten would have probably complained about being woken up in such a manor, especially at 5:36 in the morning. But not today. 

Because today he woke up with Sicheng's arms wrapped around his waist after what was probably the best night's sleep he'd had in the past six years. 

Maybe it was because he was shattered after spending Christmas Eve with Sicheng and Renjun. Or maybe it was because this was the first time he'd felt genuinely happy in a long, long time. 

He had come over early yesterday morning, ready for a day filled with festive fun with his two favourite people. 

Sicheng hadn't told Renjun about them yet, it seemed a little premature and he didn't want his son to get his hopes up too quickly. But Renjun wasn't stupid. He had picked up on the way Ten and Sicheng's fingers always seemed to find their way to tangle together. He has picked up on the hushed whispers the two adults exchanged when they thought they were being sneaky. And he had even picked up on a kiss or two they shared when they thought he wasn't paying attention. 

Adults were kind of stupid, really. 

But Renjun was happy. He was happy Uncle Ten was spending time with them on Christmas Eve because he didn't want him to be lonely. And he was happy that his Papa seemed happy. 

And… maybe one day he'd get the second Papa he'd always dreamed of. 

"Renjun! Baby, slow down!" Sicheng panted as he tried to chase his son up the hill. He was getting too old for this. Maybe next year they'd change tradition and not go sledding. He wasn't sure he could do it anymore. 

But maybe he wouldn't have to worry, because Ten was hot on Renjun's heels, probably even more excited than the five-year-old was. 

Cute. 

The three of them played in the snow for hours on end. The perfect start to Christmas Eve. 

Ten couldn't remember the last time he did anything like this. He was pretty sure he and Johnny took Donghyuck sledding a few years ago, but playing in the snow hadn't exactly been a regular past time for him. It was kind of weird when you were a single grown ass adult. 

But he was really enjoying himself. This beat any of his other Christmas Eve's by a long shot. His friends had always said that Christmas regained its magic once you had kids - the joy you'd feel when you were younger came back as you watched your babies get all excited for Santa coming down the chimney. And it was true. Renjun might not even be his kid, but spending Christmas Eve with him made Ten feel giddy in a way he hadn't around this time of year since he was a kid himself. 

After playing in the snow they went back home, gloves and woolly hats soaked through. They needed something to get them all warm and cosy again. Something like brand new pyjamas and a steaming mug of hot chocolate. 

"Sorry I didn't get you any, I wasn't...expecting-"

"It's fine." Ten held his hands up, stifling a giggle. He wasn't sure he was quite ready for the matching reindeer print pyjamas Sicheng and Renjun had slipped into. They did look adorable, though. "Maybe next year you can get me some."

"They have to be just as embarrassing as these, mind. It's a Dong family tradition."

The corners of Ten's lips quirked up, stomach fluttering. Was Sicheng seriously suggesting he'd be part of their family by next year? 

"I think I can cope with that."

"Papa!" 

If Renjun hadn't clambered up onto the dining room chair and disturbed them, Sicheng would have kissed Ten square on the lips there and then. 

But there was time for all of that later. 

"Is it time to make cookies yet?"

"Of course it is sweetie!" Sicheng beamed, tearing his gaze away from Ten's. He could definitely get lost in those eyes if he stared too long. "You know Santa likes our cookies the best, right? That's why he always takes so many."

Renjun nodded, a proud little smile on his face. When we he woke up the next morning half of the cookies were gone! Santa must really like them. 

Not that it had anything to do with Sicheng binging on them as the spent the evening wrapping the rest of Renjun's gifts. 

Of course not. 

"Here, be careful it's hot." Sicheng passed his son a mug of hot chocolate, exactly three pink marshmallows floating on top just how he liked it. "We and Uncle Ten'll start measuring out the ingredients, right?"

Renjun nodded again. That part was boring anyway. He liked decorating the cookies much more. 

But this time it wasn't quite as boring because he had two people here with him. And his Papa and Uncle Ten looked like they were having a lot of fun together. They were giggling and messing around, just like people in love in the movies did. 

Maybe he'd gotten one of his Christmas gifts early this year. 

"Papa hurry up!" Renjun whined, head resting on the table, his reindeer shaped cookie cutter in hand. It felt like making the dough was taking forever. 

"We're nearly done, honey." Sicheng leaned in, whispering lowly to the five-year-old. "It's just taking extra long because Uncle Ten isn't as strong as me."

"Hey." Ten furrowed his eyebrows, on hand on his hip, rolling pin in the other. "Renjun knows that isn't true. Who won the snowball fight before?"

"You did!" Renjun cheered. "Uncle Ten is stronger than you, Papa! He pushed you down earlier!"

"Betrayed by my own baby" Sicheng pouted, scooping Renjun out of his seat, only to pop him down on another, one next to where Ten had rolled out the door. "Go on then, see how many reindeer you can make for Santa, and then we'll order some pizza while they're cooking."

Sicheng knew pizza wasn't the most festive of Christmas Eve meals, but it was easy. The last thing he wanted was to waste time cooking when he could be spending time with Renjun instead. 

And it just so happened that pizza was Ten's Christmas Eve tradition too. So that was kind of cute. It was dumb and probably not that uncommon, but it was like something they had together, in a way. 

The rest of the evening was filled with decorating the cookies once they had cooled and munching on pizza all wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa while The Grinch played on the TV. 

Ten was honestly in his element. Renjun was snuggled in between him and Sicheng and he kept nuzzling into his side. He seemed so genuinely happy Ten was here and that warmed his heart. 

"Bedtime?" Sicheng turned to his son as the end credits rolled across the screen. But Renjun shook his head. 

"'Nother movie."

"But Santa's expecting you to be in bed."

"Just one! Papa please?!"

Sicheng threw Ten a look, who simply shrugged in response. Wasn't his kid so that meant he didn't have to make any of the soul destroying decisions? He was fun Uncle Ten. For now. 

"Okay, fine." Sicheng really couldn't say no. Ever. "Just one, though. Then it's bedtime or you'll end up with no presents in the morning." Mainly because Sicheng wouldn't have time to finish wrapping them. "What do you want?"

"Love, Actually!"

"Seriously?" Sicheng cocked his head. Renjun was five. Five. Why on earth did he want to watch Love, Actually? How did he even know what it was? To be fair Sicheng had probably had it on in the background while he was doing housework and stuff… But it definitely wasn't what he had expected. "Don't you want to watch The Polar Express?"

"No! Love, Actually! It's 'mantic!"

Sicheng shot Ten another look, a soft smirk on his lips. He knew exactly what his son was doing. The kid was only five and he was playing Cupid. How did he end up with such a smart baby? 

"Fine!" Sicheng couldn't be bothered to argue. If Renjun wanted to force them to watch a rom com then that's what they were gonna watch. It was cute, actually, the fact he was trying so hard to get them together. He really seemed to like Ten a lot, and that was massively important to Sicheng. 

All throughout the movie Renjun kept looking up at the two of them. For every kiss. Every confession of love. He was absolutely adorable; Ten couldn't help but giggle every time he looked up with those big wide eyes, full of wonder and hope. It was definitely too early to tell him anything, but he would absolutely love to see the sheer joy on Renjun's face if he and Sicheng told him they had kissed earlier. That they were going to try this whole dating thing. 

He would be over the moon. 

Despite wanting the movie on so desperately, Renjun ended up passing out before Hugh Grant even knocked on Martine McCutcheons door, missing the whole grand finale of the film. But it was way past his bed time, after all, and Sicheng was a little thankful that he wasn't still awake to demand to watch The Holiday or something next. 

"He didn't even wake up when I tucked him in." Sicheng smiled as he closed his bedroom door behind him. Ten was sat cross legged on Sicheng's bed, wrapping up the last of Renjun's gifts. 

"Well, scheming to get your Papa a boyfriend is a pretty tiring job"

"Just as well it worked then, huh?" Sicheng leaned down to press a soft kiss to Ten's lips. He had definitely never expected to spend Christmas with anyone this year. But here Ten was. In Sicheng's bed, all cosy in his pyjamas, wrapping his sons Christmas presents. And Sicheng wasn't sure how this had literally happened over night, but he was falling. Really fucking hard. 

Maybe he had been for a while and just hadn't allowed himself to think about it until now. 

Thank god for Renjun, huh?

"Let's get these gifts under the tree for our little matchmaker." Sicheng scooped the brightly wrapped boxed up into his arms, before taking Ten's hand to help him off the bed. "Then I'll give you a little present of your own."

And Sicheng did just that. 

That was the first night they made love as opposed to just fucking, and it was so much better than Ten had ever imagined, because he didn't have to pretend anymore. He didn't have to trick himself into thinking Sicheng actually cared about him just to make himself feel better about putting out again - because Sicheng _did_ care. Sicheng knew that now. The way he kissed him was proof enough. 

It made Ten's head spin, made him want to scream _I love you_ again from the top of his lungs - but there was a sleeping toddler next door so he kept quiet. He should probably wait a little while until he says those words again too, the last thing he wanted was to scare Sicheng off. 

Not now he finally had everything he wanted. 

"I'm so close." Ten whispered into Sicheng's neck, it was taking everything in him not to bite down into the sensitive skin, but a hickey probably wasn't the best look for Christmas Day. 

"Then come, baby." _Fuck._ That was the first time Sicheng had ever called him that. _Baby._ That almost tipped Ten over the edge alone. He wanted to hold on because this really felt like it was their first time. Their first proper time and he didn't want it to end. But when Sicheng's fingers wrapped around his cock he didn't have much choice. His entire body was tingling with pleasure and he couldn't hold back any longer. 

"Sicheng!" He whisper-shouted, back arching off of the bed as one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever had crashed over him. It had been so, so long since he'd been with someone who wanted him for more than just a quick fuck, and knowing that this could finally be going somewhere made Ten so much more sensitive. He honestly had to hold back the tears because how fucking embarrassing would that be? 

Sicheng came not long after, flopping down on top of Ten, laughing softly to himself as the elder scattered kisses across his face. This was definitely something he could get used to. 

He could stay like this all night, with Ten's arms wrapped around him. But unfortunately that wasn't an option. 

"Let's get cleaned up." Sicheng pushed himself up on his elbows, smirking at Ten's little pout. "You're going to want to be fully dressed for the morning. Trust me."

And Sicheng wasn't wrong, because he was awoken in the early hours of the morning by Renjun screaming about how Santa had been and within seconds he was crawling up onto the bed. Thank god Ten wasn't still naked and covered in dried come. 

"Uncle Ten! You're here!"

"Yeah! I wanted to see you on Christmas Day, kiddo!" Ten giggled as Renjun clambered into his lap. 

Uncle Ten was here! In his Papa's bed! Yangyang and Donghyuck Papa's slept in the same bed! Santa had made his wish come true! Uncle Ten was gonna be his new Papa! 

"This is the best Christmas ever!"

"You wanna go see what else Santa brought you?"

Renjun nodded his head at his Papa before hopping off of the bed to run into the living room as Ten mouthed an 'else?'

"You were what he asked Santa for." Sicheng whispered, despite the fact he knew Renjun would already pulling his gifts out from under the tree. "He wanted someone to make me happy and, well… Looks like old Saint Nick delivered."

Ten was a little taken aback by that. He- He knew Renjun was Sicheng's world and the fact that he wanted Ten here too would mean everything to Sicheng and he… he was going to cry. 

"Don't." Sicheng could already see the tears welling up in Ten's eyes. "We don't have time for crying. We have a little boy out there who has a lot of presents to open he's gonna want to show you every single thing and god there are so many fucking batteries we need put in them and then we have a whole meal we have to cook and persuading him to eat his veggies now Santa has been and I have nothing to blackmail him with anymore is _really fucking hard_ and-"

"Okay." Ten held his hands up, sniffling. He was definitely on the verge of bursting into tears because Sicheng just said _we have a little boy_ but he wasn't going to. Because that little boy was waiting for them. "No crying. I'll be a big boy."

"Papa!"

"Good." Sicheng pressed a quick kiss to Ten's lips as Renjun called from the living room. "Let's see what else Santa brought."

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

"Papa! Santa's been!"

"Jun!" Sicheng hissed, leaping out of bed as a stirring came from across the room. "Don't be so loud, you'll disturb your-"

Sicheng's face fell as the baby he was seconds from scooping into his arms burst out in tears. 

"-sister. Hey, sweetie, it's okay. Papa's here. Renjun didn't mean to shout, he's just excited."

Renjun hugged his little fox plushie close to his chest. He didn't mean to make her cry he just- He forgot she would be asleep and- This was the first year he'd had a baby sister- And- Now he was gonna cry and-

"Come here, baby."

Ten was out of bed and knelt on the floor by Renjun in record time, the silent tears that were running down the eight-year-olds face caught as he buried his face in his Daddy's shoulder. 

"She's okay; she just got a bit of a shock. Right, Papa?" Ten shot Sicheng a look - one that said how dare you make our son cry on Christmas morning. Sicheng half rolled his eyes in response. He really didn't mean to snap at Renjun, but-

"Right." Sicheng crouched down next to his husband, the baby in his arms. She had calmed down almost instantly after getting a decent cuddle. "I know you didn't do it on purpose. Just remember she's only little, okay?"

Renjun nodded against Ten's shoulder. 

"Sorry, Papa."

This was their fourth Christmas together; Sicheng, Ten and Renjun. The second since the two of them had gotten married and Ten officially adopted Renjun as his own, and the first with their new arrival who was only six months old. 

It really didn't take long for Sicheng to completely fall head over heels in love with Ten. Once he let himself get used to the idea that he could be loved, it was only a couple of months til he was finally ready to say those three words back. After so fucking long, he finally had someone that loved him. Someone he could call his own. And that person absolutely adored his baby. What more could he ask for? 

Which was why Sicheng had bought Ten something very special that Christmas. And it wasn't just a set of matching pyjamas, though obviously those were involved. 

The three of them woke that morning in red and white candy cane print PJs to watch Renjun open his gifts, and Sicheng didn't want to steal the spotlight from his son, so he waited until Renjun had teared his way through the mountain of toys. 

"Hun, you wanna get a black bag and we'll-" Ten turned, dropping the armfuls off discarded wrapping paper he had held to his chest as he found Sicheng on the floor. On one knee. 

"Ten."

Ten was in tears the second Sicheng produced a tiny velvet box from behind his back. Was this actually happening? Was this actually fucking happening? 

"I love you and I want you to be part of our family forever, so, will you do me the hono-"

"Yes!" Ten screamed, joining his boyfriend - fiancé - on the floor, not even letting him finish. "Of course I will!"

"You don't even know what I was going to ask." Sicheng raised his eyebrows as Ten plucked the ring from the box, sliding to onto the fourth finger of his left hand. 

"Don't care! The ring's on! We're getting married!" It was more than obvious what Sicheng was gonna to ask, and if he wasn't then...that was his own stupid fault for looking like he was proposing. 

Renjun squealed as he ran to hug his father. Married? They were getting married? Was his Christmas wish really coming true? When Donghyuck and Yangyang's Papa's got married they became a family! 

"You sure you're ready to be the Papa to an adorable little six-year-old boy?" Sicheng asked, pressing a big sloppy kiss to his son's cheek. He knew this was what Renjun had been waiting for. 

Ten cocked his head, pretending to think about it for a second as Renjun stared at him wide eyed. 

"I dunno about that…" He smirked as Renjun physically deflated. Okay. Maybe that was a little mean, it was Christmas after all, but it didn't make sense for them both to be called Papa. Surely that would get really confusing. "How do you feel about me being your Daddy instead?"

Renjun gasped a little. Daddy? Yangyang and Donghyuck had a Daddy too… 

"Really?"

"Of course!" Ten opened his arms out, inviting Renjun into a hug. As if he could ever say no to that face. Renjun was honestly an angel. Ten couldn't believe how well Sicheng had managed to raise him all on his own. He was the sweetest, funniest kid he'd ever met and Ten would be honoured to call Renjun his. "I love you, kiddo."

"I love you too, Un-" Renjun stopped himself, arms looping around Ten's neck. "Daddy! I love you too Daddy!"

Ten's heart swelled at how tightly the boy hugged him. This was all Renjun had ever wanted, and honestly, it was all Ten had ever wanted too. 

He finally had the fiancé and the baby he'd missed out on all those years ago. He didn't have to pretend like he was some emotionless spinster anymore, because opening his heart to this little family was the best thing he'd ever done. 

"Merry Christmas." Sicheng leaned in to press a kiss to his new fiancés lips, fingers carding through his son's hair. He never thought this was where he would end up - especially not with Ten. He imagined it would just be him and Renjun until his baby eventually grew up and flew the nest. But he didn't have to be on his own anymore. He had finally found someone he trusted, someone that valued him and made him realise he really was worth something. 

From then on Ten began to enjoy Christmas Day again. It wasn't all about the build-up and getting drunk with his friends - though, he had to admit he did still love that. But he had a son now. One he absolutely revelled in spoiling over the holidays. One who's smile on Christmas morning meant the absolute world to him. 

He had been a little worried their second Christmas would just be a fluke or whatever, that things might fizzle out after a year, but by the third he and Sicheng were married. 

They didn't want a huge wedding, nor did they see the point in waiting around. They wanted their family to be complete as soon as possible. 

So they set the date for the twenty-third of March, Renjun's seventh birthday. They only invited close friends and family so it didn't take a whole lot of organisation, which was just as well, really, considering they only gave themselves three months. 

But the stress was worth it. It was low key but gorgeous and when Renjun presented the two of them with their rings neither Ten nor Sicheng were able to hold back the tears. 

They were married. They were _actually_ married. 

Ten signed Renjun's adoption papers a couple of weeks later, completely solidifying the three of them as a real family. 

And everything was perfect, it really was, but… Ten couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to give Renjun a sibling. A little brother or sister. He had seen the way Donghyuck and Yangyang were with Chenle and he would love to give Renjun someone to play with and look after. 

It was a little hard for him to get his head around that at first - the idea of going through it all again. What if Sicheng didn't even want another kid? Would he have to carry it? What if something went wrong? What if he wasn't ready again and he ended up- 

But it _was_ something Ten had always wanted to experience for himself. He wanted to grow this little baby from scratch and love him or her just as much as he loved Renjun. He wanted to watch a little baby turn into a toddler, because he never got to have that with Renjun. He never had the chance to raise someone. And it took a lot of courage for him to even approach the idea of trying again, but… 

That's what he wanted. More than anything 

He wanted their family to grow. He wanted another baby. 

And just months after Renjun's eighth birthday he got his wish in this form of the tiniest, most perfect little baby girl he had ever laid eyes on. And he absolutely adored her. 

Ten and Sicheng couldn't be happier with their new arrival, and Renjun doted on his baby sister. He was finally a big brother! Not only did he have a Papa _and_ a daddy, but now he had a little sister too! She was too small to play properly with him at the minute, but when she was older he was going to teach her how to ride a bike and draw and maybe she could go to gymnastics class with him!

So now their family was complete, and every Christmas morning it felt like they had come full circle, each year managing to get better and better. But Ten wasn't sure how they could top this one. 

"How about we go open your presents, huh?" Renjun's eyes lit up at that. He stopped feeling sorry for himself after getting told off for waking the baby because Santa had been! And there were so many gifts under the tree! 

Christmas was by far his favourite time of the year. And not just because he got a load of new toys and got to eat loads of candy, but because it was a family. And the whole reason he had this family was because of Christmas and Santa Claus. And a bunch of kids at his school were beginning to say that Santa wasn't real, but Renjun knew that couldn't possibly be true. Santa brought him a Daddy! That was exactly what he asked for and he got it. 

"You get to help your sister open hers too since she's too little." Ten hugged Renjun close to his chest as the baby gurgled, her hands clapping together despite having absolutely no idea what was going on. 

"What about you and Papa? Are you going to open your gifts too?"

Ten and Sicheng shared a look. They didn't bother buying each other gifts. They didn't need them. They didn't need anything else. 

"We don't need to. We have everything we want right here." Renjun giggled as Ten scattered kisses across his face. "Right babe?"

"Right." Sicheng beamed, rocking the baby as he leaned in to press a kiss to his son's head, followed by a much deeper one to his husband's lips. He definitely didn't need anything else to make him happy. "Merry Christmas, Honey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super happy with this ending but :( I rly ran out of time!!! 
> 
> comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated!! pls let me know what u thought ♡  
> if you wanna shout at me abt anything feel free to add me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lowkeyamen) or on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/lowkeyamen/) and i also have a [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/lowkeyamen) if u have any questions!! uwu  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated!! pls let me know what u thought ♡  
> if you wanna shout at me abt anything feel free to add me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lowkeyamen) or on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/lowkeyamen/) and i also have a [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/lowkeyamen) if u have any questions!!


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